Today marks the one year anniversary of the day that I started blogging. The very first blog that I wrote is entitled "The Whole Enchilada" located on the "Topaz Butterfly" site. It has been really interesting to take a look back and see how much has happened and how so many things about my life have changed in the span of just one year. I have kept up this activity now for a year. I will continue to blog for as long as the creative energy flows and as long as the little lightbulb goes off above my head. Hopefully, I will continue to keep what little audience I have as I continue to dive deeper into my ocean of emotion.
I thought that phrase "ocean of emotion" would be a nice segue into the subject of this particular blog which is matters of the heart. Yes, I know another blog about love and relationships. I know that it has all been said before; however, I have found a very interesting way to "paint this picture". It's summertime! Have you ever noticed how poets, songwriters, and society at large romanticize this time of year? I would like to cite some examples. Do you remember the song "Endless Summer Nights" by Richard Marx who is one of the most romantic recording artists to every come down the pike? Now, that song could definitely steam up some windows. "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" was written by none other than the famous poet and playright William Shakespeare. In this song and this poem summer is most definitely romanticized.
Don't you wish that you could say what you really mean to say without disguising it behind all of the unnecessary obligatory subtext? If you really did say what you really meant to say then you would receive a truthful reaction in response. James Weldon Johnson once wrote, "The anticipation produced in me a sensation somewhat of bliss and fear". This particular quote by James Weldon Johnson describes exactly the sensation that starts in the pit of our stomachs when we suddenly develop "tip of the tongue" syndrome. We know exactly what we what to say, but we can't find the words to say it. We feel the bliss of the prospect of telling that special someone in our lives how we feel about them; however the fear moves in much like the tide washing away all of our high hopes of having our affections returned and taking our bravery and courage along with it.
The ones who haven't gone through a break up or some sort of emotional upheaval are very few and far between I am afraid. Those of us who have dried ourselves off from coming out of our oceans of emotion are hesistant and reluctant to jump back in with the excitement, wonder,and intensity that we had when we jumped in before as a result we play in the sand watching the tide going in and out, and the waves crash on the shore.
Why can't life be as simple as a boy and a girl playing in a sandbox together? When did life and love get so incredibly complicated and complex? It is about the same time in which puberty sets. It clouds our vision to see that life can be just as great as we imagine it to be as a kid playing in that cherished sandbox. We have a tendency to blame love for our mistakes, and our heartache. The truth is it is not what love does to us it is what we do to love. We can criticize, belittle and demean love when it doesn't work out for us letting our sandcastles with all of the details that define it that we have worked so hard on get washed away by the tide as we move farther and farther away from the shoreline. The beauty of a sandcastle is that it can be rebuilt. We take a time out or a breather as we wallow in our misery and self-pity.
At some point, we must get back in there. We must dive back into our oceans of emotion; however, there is a balance, a happy medium that we must achieve. There is such a concept as "too much too soon". We must be careful not to ride on our emotions or catch the wrong wave or we will inevitably "wipeout". Can you imagine for a moment the sweet sensation a surfer must experience when he finally rides out the wave navigating himself or herself through the pipeline? It is not our responsibility to overpower the waves in our lives; however, it is in the best interest of our relationships to follow through and ride out the wave. We must seize every opportunity that comes our way. We should not shy away from opportunities especially in relationships least we not discover who is the most compatible or combustible for us. Whatever the case may be. The point is we have got to dive in and explore all the possibilities. In Shakespeare's tragedy, Julius Caesar's Brutus has a line that reads like this: "There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to the future. But omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us".
I feel pretty confident as a writer. I have to go with the flow. I can't disturb the steady rhythmic river from which this post is flowing. Why else would I be staying up until almost 1:00 AM? It is because this tidal wave has come over me and I have to ride it out. Professor Hetson played by Roger Howarth said to Joey played by Katie Holmes in the sixth and final season of Dawson's Creek, "It can't be streams of consciousness if you are observing by the shores".
Maybe you have rested and recuperated from your nasty wipeout and you are thinking that you will lightly tread on tip-toe back down to the shoreline. You might even dip your toes into the edge of the water to remember the sweet sensation of falling for someone who has fallen just as hard for you. It is invigorating! Isn't it? There are fewer things on this Earth that can make you feel more truly alive than diving into an ocean of emotion. What are you waiting for? The next full moon? Maybe you figure that the moon moves the tides so maybe it will move you to make a bold move after all we are made up of seventy percent water. The sands of time are constantly in motion. Time stands still for no one, and eventually it will run out.
Sure, there are other aspects of life that can elicit sweet sensations such as writing these blog entires, but nothing can give you the rush or prompt the adrenaline to start pumping quite like falling in love. On another espisode of Dawson's Creek, Dawson played by James Van der Beek was visiting his artisitic Aunt Gwen played by Julie Bowen. They were talking. She said to him, "Before I die I want to know that I did at least one thing right-love someone. The rest of this is just an expression of that one thing". Build those sandcastles to the sky! Don't give up on love!
If a wave just so happens to come your way this summer, wait until the moment is right, take hold of your metaphorical surfboard and catch the wave. Sure, it is scary. In the movie "Bounce" starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck there is a line from that movie that reads like this: It's not brave, if you're not scared". There is always a possibility of a nasty wipeout, but don't let that slight chance loom over your head. Wipeouts just give you the necessary experience to catch the right "wave" and experience the sweetest sensation. Come on in the water is fine!
I thought about this song by John Mayer as I was writing this blog. It is called "Love Song for No One" on his "No Room for Squares" album. I hope that you like it as much as I do.
Love Song for No One by John Mayer
Staying home alone on a friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
Im jaded
I hate it
Im tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Searching all my days just to find you
Im not sure who Im looking for
Ill know it
When I see you
Until then, Ill hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one
Im tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Im tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Youll be so good
Youll be so good for me
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
SKIES OF BLUE
Skies of Blue by T.B. Fly
For anyone who has experienced a first love and lost it. Have you ever had someone for whom you cared deeply that came around again like a boomerang? If so, this poem is for you. I suppose that the soundtrack for this particular time of my life, would have to be somewhat of a "bittersweet symphony". I hope that you will appreciate my symbolic purging through the conventions of poetry.
I found out what love was all about
Smiles, touches, kisses were among many firsts
I felt like my heart would burst into
I was so in love with you
Only to see it ripped at the seams
Then the tears flowed down my face in streams
In my heart, all I could feel
Was the pain
I wondered if it would ever be sustained
I thought I had found in you, one true friend
Then we could begin once again
Surely, this time, my heart you would receive
Why didn’t you see?
How could we repair the bridge between you and me?
My hopes were built higher everyday
As I believed, this time you were going to stay
I had dreams of one day becoming your wife
It is hard now to reminiscence
Your costume eyes filled with mist
My heart unafraid to feel
At times, it feels almost unreal
That I took the ultimate risk
Of being fully embraced or merely dismissed
I am still confused as to why, my feelings did not matter
But you would not be bothered and went on your merry way
Even though, you knew that I loved you
More than any other
You confided in me, you could not trust
A strong foundation we had once built
How could your heart towards me be filled with so much mistrust?
When did the foundation begin to deteriorate and rust?
The tears you cried were a symbol of guilt
If you had not hurt me?
I still miss you
I still care
Forsaking me for another
Was hard to bear
I had wasted too many years
There was only one thing left to do
I had to start loving me and stop loving you
As the days pass, I hurt less and less
I am responsible for my own happiness
But I will never forget
The hole that was left in my heart
When our ways did part
Leaving me behind
Life can be so unkind
It may prove to be your greatest regret
It is time to retreat
I am tired of this attitude of defeat
The “what ifs” can drive a person insane
Even though, my feelings drove us apart
It is high time, and long overdue
I found out what love is all about
But now I have my doubts
A cowardly lion? You?
I never would have fathomed it
Still I must forgive you
Because it is long overdue
How could I ever go down that road again?
And so I am afraid that all roads leading to you are just dead ends
Over you
Those days are long gone
I will persevere and move on
To myself, I must try
To be true
I am headed for skies of blue
ECHOS OF AN ERA
Do you ever hear the soundtrack of your life playing faintly in the inner recesses of your mind? If they are good ones, memories can keep you company and bring you comfort. I have memories such as these that if I am still enough I can still hear their echo in my consciousness.
My parents built my childhood home in 1973. Five years later, I was born. While I was growing up there, we had some really good friends. Sassy and my mom were really good friends. Stephen, Sassy's youngest child, and my brother Ben grew up together in the same neighborhood. There was only this green grassy field separating our houses. Ben and Stephen made good use out of this field. It served as a baseball diamond and a football field. They played many games of cork ball and even splattered eggs onto the adjoining neighbor's fence. It served as a path between two young boys who were the best of friends.
Melinda, Stephen's older sister would walk across the field to our house to get me and she would walk back through that same field to her house with me in tow. She used to walk to our house a lot tell my mom that she had me and take me over to her house for awhile. She would paint my nails every color of the rainbow. She would brush what little hair I had and pull it up by the roots on top of my head. When I got a little older, I walked through the field to their house and Sassy would fix hot dogs heated in the microwave for me. This was a real treat considering that we did not own a microwave at that time. She would cut them up for me. They were so good.
When I was a preteen Sassy introduced me to Heather who would soon become my best friend. I am surprised that we did not wear a path through that field as many times as we would go back and forth through it from her house to mine and vice versa. Heather and I used to do somersaults and handstands in that field. We played homerun derby, hide-n-go seek, and german spotlight in that field. German spotlight was a lot of fun because we played it in the dark. It was a lot like hide-n-go seek except instead of actually having to tag someone all you had to do was shine a flashlight on them. We also would ride our bikes through that field. There was this one strip of land along the side of the neighbor's fence and we would ride our bikes down the decline into the street. Then we we ride our bikes up the incline and do it all over again. We called it the rollcoaster. Looking back now, I don't suppose it was the smartest or the safest thing to do, but we did it anyway. We ran through that field with wild abandon and without a care in this world. It served as a path for two girls who were the best of friends.
The boys would play sports and the girls would gather those tiny little white flowers and make necklaces and bracelets. Also one of our favorite past times, was picking dandelions from the field and blowing on them watching their feathery substance float to the ground. If I came back from Heather's house in the dark, I took off running and just before I reached my driveway my foot would land in this hole and I would fall flat on my face. It never failed. I guess that is what I got for being afraid of the dark. When Heather and I were teenagers we designated a meeting place half way down the field to exchange clothes. We would end up talking for awhile. Then we would say "good night" and go off in different directions back to our houses respectively. Indeed, our field served many purposes. It could be magical at night with a million stars shining brightly up overhead. Maybe, I am romanticizing a little. It's my blog I can romanticize if I want to.
Why all of the nostaglia you might ask? Sigh. Well, Sassy doesn't live there anymore. In fact, her house has had two predecessors. The current inhabitants have decided to destroy my childhood field. My childhood field is being enclosed with a wooden gate-no more wide open space. And if that wasn't enough, they have hired employees from Aloha pools most likely to put in one of those hideous above ground swimming pools. They dug up the sacred soil of which our happy feet once trod. Okay. So call me a sentimental drama queen. I don't care. They disturbed the delicate emotional balance of my childhood memories that have been well perserved. When I surveyed this eyesore, a song came to my mind and one line in particular from this song: "They paved paradise and put up a parking lot". Well, in this case they paved paradise and put up an above ground swimming pool. I feel like I am living across from the "Beverly Hillbillies". It was a child's paradise with no restrictions. A big wide open space full of potential with a big lusicious and green magnolia tree stationed in the corner. It's gone now and it saddens me. I feel like as Jewel says in her new song "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland, that "my childhood is scattered along the highway".
A friend of mine who has a four year old child and I were having a conversation the other day. She, her husband, and their daughter decided to move away from their old neighborhood because it was getting a little too shady. She wants her child safe and protected. It's not too much to ask. In this day in time, is there any such thing as a safe place? Is she or her little friends going to be able to grow up in a wide open space? Are they going to be able to run through a big green field with wild abandon without a care in this world? They deserve the right to be footloose and fancy free kids, don't they? Somehow and at some point we must take back the reigns of this society and forge on ahead with aspirations for a brighter future. You deserve the right to be a kid and sometimes you have to fight for it. Wouldn't it be wonderful, to remain eternally innocent? Wouldn't it be wonderful to view the world through the unclouded perception of a child? Antoine de Saint once wrote, "And the little prince said to the man", "Grownups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them".
I would like to enter the magical world of Capeside for a moment. Capeside is the fictional town set in Massachusetts on the now syndicated Dawson's Creek. This particular scene takes place in the sixth season and the next to last episode ever of the beloved teen drama series. In the first season, the offbeat character of Jen Lindley came to town in a cab to live with her grandmother, who she affectionately called "Grams". She saw Joey, Pacey, and Dawson messing around with each other on the dock, knowing immediately that she wanted to be apart of that innocence. In the six season, she, Jack, and Grams are all leaving Capeside for New York City where Jen is from originally. The big yellow taxi pulls up to take them away. No doubt she hears the soundtrack of her life playing in the background. She turns around to take one last look around and says, "What is this feeling? It just seems like everything 's getting smaller and smaller. It's all still there, but I just can't touch it". Jack simply replies, "I think it's called goodbye". On that very same day, Dawson was shooting a movie in tribute to their childhood on the creek. Jen looks in the direction of the actors messing with each other on the dock. It was a nice bookend. She had come full circle. I feel the same way Jen must have felt. It is not easy to let go of your childhood and the place that is the most comforting and familiar. I guess now I will have to visit the Wildflower Farm, where there are droves of wildflowers in this big wide open space. A dreamer could lose him or herself in that field filled with wildflowers. It is a beautiful sight and if you are lucky butterflies flutter down inviting themselves to be your companions.
I am taking mental pictures and playing a silent movie in my mind. On One Tree Hill, the character of Ellie once said, "Every song has a CODA, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away. Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life". When you are a kid you are not aware that your childhood is going to end. In fact, you can't wait to be a grown up. On the other hand, when you are a grown up you wish that you could just be a kid again. Even though my childhood is over I can still hear that soundtrack in my head. It doesn't matter how much noise the workers make in their efforts to construct the vision that their employers have in mind-nothing will drown out of the sound of the echos of an era-children's laughter, singing and excited screams. My childhood may be gone, but it will never be forgotten. It will forever be a part of me and will be remembered with sweet fondness as the soundtrack of my childhood plays faintly through the inner recesses of my mind.
Here is the song in it's entirety mentioned in my blog for posterity. This song has been recorded by such artists such as Counting Crows and Vanessa Carlton, but Amy Grant's version is the one that I most remember fondly. She was also one of my role models growing up.
"Big Yellow Taxi" by Amy Grant
My parents built my childhood home in 1973. Five years later, I was born. While I was growing up there, we had some really good friends. Sassy and my mom were really good friends. Stephen, Sassy's youngest child, and my brother Ben grew up together in the same neighborhood. There was only this green grassy field separating our houses. Ben and Stephen made good use out of this field. It served as a baseball diamond and a football field. They played many games of cork ball and even splattered eggs onto the adjoining neighbor's fence. It served as a path between two young boys who were the best of friends.
Melinda, Stephen's older sister would walk across the field to our house to get me and she would walk back through that same field to her house with me in tow. She used to walk to our house a lot tell my mom that she had me and take me over to her house for awhile. She would paint my nails every color of the rainbow. She would brush what little hair I had and pull it up by the roots on top of my head. When I got a little older, I walked through the field to their house and Sassy would fix hot dogs heated in the microwave for me. This was a real treat considering that we did not own a microwave at that time. She would cut them up for me. They were so good.
When I was a preteen Sassy introduced me to Heather who would soon become my best friend. I am surprised that we did not wear a path through that field as many times as we would go back and forth through it from her house to mine and vice versa. Heather and I used to do somersaults and handstands in that field. We played homerun derby, hide-n-go seek, and german spotlight in that field. German spotlight was a lot of fun because we played it in the dark. It was a lot like hide-n-go seek except instead of actually having to tag someone all you had to do was shine a flashlight on them. We also would ride our bikes through that field. There was this one strip of land along the side of the neighbor's fence and we would ride our bikes down the decline into the street. Then we we ride our bikes up the incline and do it all over again. We called it the rollcoaster. Looking back now, I don't suppose it was the smartest or the safest thing to do, but we did it anyway. We ran through that field with wild abandon and without a care in this world. It served as a path for two girls who were the best of friends.
The boys would play sports and the girls would gather those tiny little white flowers and make necklaces and bracelets. Also one of our favorite past times, was picking dandelions from the field and blowing on them watching their feathery substance float to the ground. If I came back from Heather's house in the dark, I took off running and just before I reached my driveway my foot would land in this hole and I would fall flat on my face. It never failed. I guess that is what I got for being afraid of the dark. When Heather and I were teenagers we designated a meeting place half way down the field to exchange clothes. We would end up talking for awhile. Then we would say "good night" and go off in different directions back to our houses respectively. Indeed, our field served many purposes. It could be magical at night with a million stars shining brightly up overhead. Maybe, I am romanticizing a little. It's my blog I can romanticize if I want to.
Why all of the nostaglia you might ask? Sigh. Well, Sassy doesn't live there anymore. In fact, her house has had two predecessors. The current inhabitants have decided to destroy my childhood field. My childhood field is being enclosed with a wooden gate-no more wide open space. And if that wasn't enough, they have hired employees from Aloha pools most likely to put in one of those hideous above ground swimming pools. They dug up the sacred soil of which our happy feet once trod. Okay. So call me a sentimental drama queen. I don't care. They disturbed the delicate emotional balance of my childhood memories that have been well perserved. When I surveyed this eyesore, a song came to my mind and one line in particular from this song: "They paved paradise and put up a parking lot". Well, in this case they paved paradise and put up an above ground swimming pool. I feel like I am living across from the "Beverly Hillbillies". It was a child's paradise with no restrictions. A big wide open space full of potential with a big lusicious and green magnolia tree stationed in the corner. It's gone now and it saddens me. I feel like as Jewel says in her new song "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland, that "my childhood is scattered along the highway".
A friend of mine who has a four year old child and I were having a conversation the other day. She, her husband, and their daughter decided to move away from their old neighborhood because it was getting a little too shady. She wants her child safe and protected. It's not too much to ask. In this day in time, is there any such thing as a safe place? Is she or her little friends going to be able to grow up in a wide open space? Are they going to be able to run through a big green field with wild abandon without a care in this world? They deserve the right to be footloose and fancy free kids, don't they? Somehow and at some point we must take back the reigns of this society and forge on ahead with aspirations for a brighter future. You deserve the right to be a kid and sometimes you have to fight for it. Wouldn't it be wonderful, to remain eternally innocent? Wouldn't it be wonderful to view the world through the unclouded perception of a child? Antoine de Saint once wrote, "And the little prince said to the man", "Grownups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them".
I would like to enter the magical world of Capeside for a moment. Capeside is the fictional town set in Massachusetts on the now syndicated Dawson's Creek. This particular scene takes place in the sixth season and the next to last episode ever of the beloved teen drama series. In the first season, the offbeat character of Jen Lindley came to town in a cab to live with her grandmother, who she affectionately called "Grams". She saw Joey, Pacey, and Dawson messing around with each other on the dock, knowing immediately that she wanted to be apart of that innocence. In the six season, she, Jack, and Grams are all leaving Capeside for New York City where Jen is from originally. The big yellow taxi pulls up to take them away. No doubt she hears the soundtrack of her life playing in the background. She turns around to take one last look around and says, "What is this feeling? It just seems like everything 's getting smaller and smaller. It's all still there, but I just can't touch it". Jack simply replies, "I think it's called goodbye". On that very same day, Dawson was shooting a movie in tribute to their childhood on the creek. Jen looks in the direction of the actors messing with each other on the dock. It was a nice bookend. She had come full circle. I feel the same way Jen must have felt. It is not easy to let go of your childhood and the place that is the most comforting and familiar. I guess now I will have to visit the Wildflower Farm, where there are droves of wildflowers in this big wide open space. A dreamer could lose him or herself in that field filled with wildflowers. It is a beautiful sight and if you are lucky butterflies flutter down inviting themselves to be your companions.
I am taking mental pictures and playing a silent movie in my mind. On One Tree Hill, the character of Ellie once said, "Every song has a CODA, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away. Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life". When you are a kid you are not aware that your childhood is going to end. In fact, you can't wait to be a grown up. On the other hand, when you are a grown up you wish that you could just be a kid again. Even though my childhood is over I can still hear that soundtrack in my head. It doesn't matter how much noise the workers make in their efforts to construct the vision that their employers have in mind-nothing will drown out of the sound of the echos of an era-children's laughter, singing and excited screams. My childhood may be gone, but it will never be forgotten. It will forever be a part of me and will be remembered with sweet fondness as the soundtrack of my childhood plays faintly through the inner recesses of my mind.
Here is the song in it's entirety mentioned in my blog for posterity. This song has been recorded by such artists such as Counting Crows and Vanessa Carlton, but Amy Grant's version is the one that I most remember fondly. She was also one of my role models growing up.
"Big Yellow Taxi" by Amy Grant
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop
They took all the trees and put 'em in a tree museum
And then they charged all the poeple twenty-five bucks just to see 'em
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop
Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT now
Give me spots on my apples but leave me the birds and the bees, please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
I say, they paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Late last night I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi carried off my old man
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Oh, now, they paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Hey, steam rolled paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Thursday, June 08, 2006
POCKETFUL OF PLEASURES
"Ring around the rosies, pocketful of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down". It didn't take too much to make me happy as kid. I liked when the "London Bridge" fell down. Now, I like to listen to "London Rain", by Heather Nova. Speaking from a woman's perspective who use to be a little girl, tea parties and dress up were two endlessly pleasurable activities in which I engaged. I loved putting on my momma's high heels and experimenting with her makeup. Rocking baby dolls, and finding stuffed animals who would listen and who were endlessly sympathetic towards me were two of my favorite past times. I would play "house", and "school". I even had my own school room at the front of the house. I would even pretend to cook using raw spaghetti noodles and French dressing. I made sock puppets out of old socks, yarn, scraps of cloth, construction paper, and old buttons.
Then I was introduced to the great outdoors. I became such a tomboy. I climbed trees, bike raced the boys in my neighborhood, jumped on the trampoline, skated, and turned cartwheels off the diving board. I wasn't much of a dare devil, I often opted for truth when playing "Truth or Dare". When I got a little older "Spin the Bottle" became very appealing to me. I dreamed about my "knight in shining armor" and I always wanted a "hero" to rescue me. I always wanted to be like "Rapunzel" with really long golden and shiny hair. Just because I am all grown up, doesn't mean that those dreams are gone. Sometimes, what has been long lost and forgotten can be found again.
What girl didn't want to be Jennifer Grey in "Dirty Dancing"? "Nobody puts baby in a corner". Sigh. She was such a lucky girl co-starring with Patrick Swayze. He could back me up into a corner anytime. I loved "Saved By the Bell". Zack Morris was the soothest thing since butter. Although, my first crush ever was on Michael J. Fox when he played "Scott Howard" in Teen Wolf and "Alex P. Keaton" on Family Ties. For some reason, I got all caught up in the "New Kids on the Block" craze. Joe McIntyre looked good. He still looks good.
Every summer my friends and I would gather on my carport and pretend that it was a stage. I wanted to be Paula Abdul and Debbie Gibson. I had a canopy bed when I was younger and I would pull off the top knobs and use them for microphones. These days, it is usually a deodorant bottle. Usually, I sing in the car with the windows rolled down with the wind whipping through my hair. I also enjoy singing in the shower because the acoustics sound so good in there.
I am not sure when I developed such a love for reading. I can just lose myself in a good book. I am looking forward to lounging on a chair poolside allowing the heat from the sun to make me lazy as I dive into a mezmorizing novel while I am soaking up the sun this summer. As grown a grown up, I still like to swim like a little fish more than laying out.
Recently, I went to the bookstore to find a book entitled "Burnt Toast" written by Terri Hatcher. For some unknown reason, I wound up in the poetry section of this bookstore. I sat down in the middle of the isle and just began reading and absorbing the string of words. It was almost transcendent. It so relaxed me and rejuvenated my spirit that it left me begging for more. So I bought this book of poetry. "Peyton's Podcast" once said "that the music finds you" maybe poetry does too. I just ordered Jewel's new CD "Goodbye to Alice in Wonderland". She is so poetic. A few days ago, I even got up one morning and wrote a rather lengthy poem in which I am quite proud. Writing a book was definitely a catharsis for my soul and such a sweet release.
I also enjoy being pampered. I believe that a "true princess" lives inside every woman. My "inner princess" comes out often demanding to be pampered. So I take her to the spa for the occasional massage and frequent spa manicures and pedicures. Getting my hair colored has become a rather costly hobby. I don't know for some reason it gives me confidence. I have a few hobbies, but writing is definitely my passion. It gives me immeasurable pleasure. I would like to say that I found the writing, but that wouldn't be the truth. The writing found me just in the nick of time, allowing me to pour out my pent up feelings and bottled emotions.
I also enjoy watching movies and their commentaries. Mostly, I like romantic comedies. I am envious of those thirty minute sitcoms that get wrapped up so nicely. Relationships in real life just don't work that way. I guess that is why I really like watching episodes of "Dawson's Creek" and "One Tree Hill" because they depict relationships in a somewhat realistic way. For me watching those shows, is like indulging in milk chocolate it is "pleasure you can't measure". I also enjoy watching some reality T.V. shows such as "Dancing with the Stars". I love getting a heaping helping of "All My Children and General Hospital" almost on a daily basis. Occasionally, I enjoy watching other T.V. shows which are more like dark chocolate for me I can take them or leave them. Escapism is a beautiful thing and also dangerous because sometimes it is hard to separate the myth from reality.
Those little things that we all do for ourselves whether it's reading those magazines that dish the dirt on those high-profile celebrities, playing the guitar, the drums, piano or any other instrument, laying out by the pool, or sitting out in a boat on the lake alone with your own thoughts, working a crossword puzzle, playing a game of one-on-one, sitting on a wraparound porch with a glass of lemonade watching butterflies fluttering by, exercising to your little heart's content, or playing nine or even eighteen holes of golf, losing yourself in a good book, weaving stories or being pampered at the spa make the biggest difference. We all need an escape route, a place to regain our footing, a place to run in hide when the world gets a little too scary. I still enjoy the simple pleasures in life. And I appreciate them when they come for they have become very far and few between in this world of instant gratification.
Even though I am a grown up, I still enjoy some things that I did as a child because that child still lives within me. When we get older, our ideals change and mature along with us. When I feel drained, riddled with anxiety, or the need to escape for a little while I scatter the things that I love and enjoy around me like pixie dust and pull out my pocketful of pleasures.
I pulled out my little book of poems. I hope that you like my selection. The poet, Katherine Mansfield writes of domestic bliss as being commonplace yet magical. Isn't that what every little girl dreams of having one day? She dreams of having a family to take care of and love. If we are really lucky, we might even find some sparks of romance mingled in for good measure. As SheDaisy says, "God Bless the American Housewife". In the meantime, I will enjoy the freedom of my single status. Even when there is a mound of laundry awaiting us, I hope we can still find time and joy in pulling out are own unique and distinct pocketful of pleasures.
Camomile Tea by Katherine Mansfield
Outside the sky is light with stars;
There's a hollow roaring from the sea.
And, alas! for the little almond flowers,
The wind is shaking the almond tree.
How little I thought, a year ago,
In the horrible cottage upon the Lee
That he and I should be siting so
And sipping a cup of camomile tea.
Light as feathers the witches fly,
The horn of the moon is plain to see;
By a firefly under a jonquil flower
A goblin toasts a bumble-bee.
We might be fifty, we might be five,
So snug, so compact, so wise are we!
Under the kitchen-table leg
My knee is pressing against his knee.
Our shutters are shut, the fire is low,
The tap is dripping peacefully;
The saucepan shadows on the wall
Are black and round and plain to see.
Then I was introduced to the great outdoors. I became such a tomboy. I climbed trees, bike raced the boys in my neighborhood, jumped on the trampoline, skated, and turned cartwheels off the diving board. I wasn't much of a dare devil, I often opted for truth when playing "Truth or Dare". When I got a little older "Spin the Bottle" became very appealing to me. I dreamed about my "knight in shining armor" and I always wanted a "hero" to rescue me. I always wanted to be like "Rapunzel" with really long golden and shiny hair. Just because I am all grown up, doesn't mean that those dreams are gone. Sometimes, what has been long lost and forgotten can be found again.
What girl didn't want to be Jennifer Grey in "Dirty Dancing"? "Nobody puts baby in a corner". Sigh. She was such a lucky girl co-starring with Patrick Swayze. He could back me up into a corner anytime. I loved "Saved By the Bell". Zack Morris was the soothest thing since butter. Although, my first crush ever was on Michael J. Fox when he played "Scott Howard" in Teen Wolf and "Alex P. Keaton" on Family Ties. For some reason, I got all caught up in the "New Kids on the Block" craze. Joe McIntyre looked good. He still looks good.
Every summer my friends and I would gather on my carport and pretend that it was a stage. I wanted to be Paula Abdul and Debbie Gibson. I had a canopy bed when I was younger and I would pull off the top knobs and use them for microphones. These days, it is usually a deodorant bottle. Usually, I sing in the car with the windows rolled down with the wind whipping through my hair. I also enjoy singing in the shower because the acoustics sound so good in there.
I am not sure when I developed such a love for reading. I can just lose myself in a good book. I am looking forward to lounging on a chair poolside allowing the heat from the sun to make me lazy as I dive into a mezmorizing novel while I am soaking up the sun this summer. As grown a grown up, I still like to swim like a little fish more than laying out.
Recently, I went to the bookstore to find a book entitled "Burnt Toast" written by Terri Hatcher. For some unknown reason, I wound up in the poetry section of this bookstore. I sat down in the middle of the isle and just began reading and absorbing the string of words. It was almost transcendent. It so relaxed me and rejuvenated my spirit that it left me begging for more. So I bought this book of poetry. "Peyton's Podcast" once said "that the music finds you" maybe poetry does too. I just ordered Jewel's new CD "Goodbye to Alice in Wonderland". She is so poetic. A few days ago, I even got up one morning and wrote a rather lengthy poem in which I am quite proud. Writing a book was definitely a catharsis for my soul and such a sweet release.
I also enjoy being pampered. I believe that a "true princess" lives inside every woman. My "inner princess" comes out often demanding to be pampered. So I take her to the spa for the occasional massage and frequent spa manicures and pedicures. Getting my hair colored has become a rather costly hobby. I don't know for some reason it gives me confidence. I have a few hobbies, but writing is definitely my passion. It gives me immeasurable pleasure. I would like to say that I found the writing, but that wouldn't be the truth. The writing found me just in the nick of time, allowing me to pour out my pent up feelings and bottled emotions.
I also enjoy watching movies and their commentaries. Mostly, I like romantic comedies. I am envious of those thirty minute sitcoms that get wrapped up so nicely. Relationships in real life just don't work that way. I guess that is why I really like watching episodes of "Dawson's Creek" and "One Tree Hill" because they depict relationships in a somewhat realistic way. For me watching those shows, is like indulging in milk chocolate it is "pleasure you can't measure". I also enjoy watching some reality T.V. shows such as "Dancing with the Stars". I love getting a heaping helping of "All My Children and General Hospital" almost on a daily basis. Occasionally, I enjoy watching other T.V. shows which are more like dark chocolate for me I can take them or leave them. Escapism is a beautiful thing and also dangerous because sometimes it is hard to separate the myth from reality.
Those little things that we all do for ourselves whether it's reading those magazines that dish the dirt on those high-profile celebrities, playing the guitar, the drums, piano or any other instrument, laying out by the pool, or sitting out in a boat on the lake alone with your own thoughts, working a crossword puzzle, playing a game of one-on-one, sitting on a wraparound porch with a glass of lemonade watching butterflies fluttering by, exercising to your little heart's content, or playing nine or even eighteen holes of golf, losing yourself in a good book, weaving stories or being pampered at the spa make the biggest difference. We all need an escape route, a place to regain our footing, a place to run in hide when the world gets a little too scary. I still enjoy the simple pleasures in life. And I appreciate them when they come for they have become very far and few between in this world of instant gratification.
Even though I am a grown up, I still enjoy some things that I did as a child because that child still lives within me. When we get older, our ideals change and mature along with us. When I feel drained, riddled with anxiety, or the need to escape for a little while I scatter the things that I love and enjoy around me like pixie dust and pull out my pocketful of pleasures.
I pulled out my little book of poems. I hope that you like my selection. The poet, Katherine Mansfield writes of domestic bliss as being commonplace yet magical. Isn't that what every little girl dreams of having one day? She dreams of having a family to take care of and love. If we are really lucky, we might even find some sparks of romance mingled in for good measure. As SheDaisy says, "God Bless the American Housewife". In the meantime, I will enjoy the freedom of my single status. Even when there is a mound of laundry awaiting us, I hope we can still find time and joy in pulling out are own unique and distinct pocketful of pleasures.
Camomile Tea by Katherine Mansfield
Outside the sky is light with stars;
There's a hollow roaring from the sea.
And, alas! for the little almond flowers,
The wind is shaking the almond tree.
How little I thought, a year ago,
In the horrible cottage upon the Lee
That he and I should be siting so
And sipping a cup of camomile tea.
Light as feathers the witches fly,
The horn of the moon is plain to see;
By a firefly under a jonquil flower
A goblin toasts a bumble-bee.
We might be fifty, we might be five,
So snug, so compact, so wise are we!
Under the kitchen-table leg
My knee is pressing against his knee.
Our shutters are shut, the fire is low,
The tap is dripping peacefully;
The saucepan shadows on the wall
Are black and round and plain to see.
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About Me
- TB Fly
- I am a work in progress. I enjoy sharing an extension of myself through writing.