Friday, December 22, 2006

PASSION PASSPORT

Today I have been listening to my new Wrecker's CD. I was telling someone the other day how I am a lyric person. Some people enjoy the beat while others dissect the word on the page. I am one of those people who dissects the word on the page. Often, I wonder about songwriters. Why do they write the songs that they write? What is their story? Where have they been? What have they experienced? I have had my moments, and some I have shared in my blogs. I would like to say that I've had an ephinany, but the truth is I've been thinking about this for quite some time. What has lead me down this path of self-expression? What has lead me to discover my ability to write? This is a question with many possible answers, but in this blog I would like to focus on just one.

There was a guy. Yeah, I know what you are all thinking. There she goes again with a blog about love. Yes, I did love him. No, I am not still in love with him. He was my first love, and as they say you're first love never really dies. To make a long story short, we dated for awhile, and things got pretty serious. We came to the juncture of too much too soon, and reluctantly parted ways. Someone once said, "Some people come into our lives, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never ever the same."

Two years later, he came back into my life just as I was finishing my first year of teaching. Looking back, I was so enthusiastic about my chosen profession. It was hard, but I learned so much in so little time. I shared with him about some of my teaching experiences, and he seemed eager to know what had been going on with me in his absence. In my absence, he had gone back to school and was close to getting a degree in Respitory Therapy. He was a little older, and a little wiser. So was I. He was so passionate about his chosen course of study. It really made me happy to see him put forth such effort, and finally use the smarts that God has given him.

I began to second guess myself a little bit or least what I had chosen to do with my own life. His passion was infectious, and I started to envy that for myself. How could I get it? At one time, I had been enthusiastic about teaching, and even passionate, but somewhere in the middle of all the red tape my flame burned out. It was not an easy to admit to myself that I was no longer happy with teaching because I had spent so much time and energy-four and a half years in school to be exact. Once I admitted to myself that I was pretty miserable with my job, there were no easy answers. I had painted myself into a corner. There was only one avenue I had steered myself down, and that avenue lead me to teaching. Why had I limited myself so much when there were so many other possibilities and ventures to embark upon? Although, I was a good teacher I realized that I did not want to spend half my life surrounded by four walls in a classroom. What did I what to do? I had to find some answers. An old Chinese proverb says "The heart has its reasons that reason does not know. At times, the heart can be a reluctant traveler. Kahlil Gibran once wrote, "Your reason and your passion are the rudder...and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in midseas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

There is no road map for the road less traveled, but as Robert Frost once wrote, "it has made all the difference." In my pursuit of higher learning, I had forgotten about my childhood dream which was to be an author. Specifically, I wanted to write romance novels. The interesting thing is I had been working on a manuscript for quite awhile. Interestingly enough, Will's reappearance in my life gave me the courage to pursue my life long dream, and as an extra bonus gave me more fodder for my story. Working hard towards my goal, gave me an unexpected, but much needed perspective on the whole situation with my ex. Harold V. Pheldhart once wrote, "Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance toward the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point. Climb slowly, steadily, enjoying each passing moment, and the view from the summit will serve as a fitting climax for the journey."

I needed him to be there at that juncture in my life, but now our lives how gone separate ways again. In an indirect way, he helped me discover where my true passion lies. My passion is writing. I truly hope that he is happy with the decisions that he has made, and the course that he has chosen for his own life. I have learned that in life the journey is more important than the destination, and I am enjoying the journey. He contributed to me finding the one thing that outside of my faith gives me true joy. If it had not been for him resurfacing, and sharing his dreams with me, I might not have rediscovered my own. Unbeknownst, to him he stamped my passion passport, and now the sky is the limit.

1 comment:

The Ichthyophile said...

It's wise of you to learn from that past experience and relationship. But it is time for you to get a new relationship. I can sense you use this experience as blog material quite often. I know it's your first love and all but you need a new one. Don't dwell on one lesson for too long or you'll miss the rest of them.

Good post. Many people say many things in your posts, all have merit and tie your points together well...but what does Leah have to say? That's what I want to know. :o) Keep it up!!!

About Me

My photo
I am a work in progress. I enjoy sharing an extension of myself through writing.