SKIES OF BLUE

Skies of Blue by T.B. Fly

For anyone who has experienced a first love and lost it. Have you ever had someone for whom you cared deeply that came around again like a boomerang? If so, this poem is for you. I suppose that the soundtrack for this particular time of my life, would have to be somewhat of a "bittersweet symphony". I hope that you will appreciate my symbolic purging through the conventions of poetry.

My first time out
I found out what love was all about

Smiles, touches, kisses were among many firsts
I felt like my heart would burst into
I was so in love with you

Together we weaved a colorful tapestry of dreams
Only to see it ripped at the seams
Then the tears flowed down my face in streams

For so long, I stood still
In my heart, all I could feel

Was the pain
I wondered if it would ever be sustained

Waiting for you to come back again
I thought I had found in you, one true friend

Somehow I knew, that you would come back around my life’s bend
Then we could begin once again

Two years later, I thought I had been given a reprieve
Surely, this time, my heart you would receive

You were my unexpected gift
Why didn’t you see?
How could we repair the bridge between you and me?

My hopes were built higher everyday
As I believed, this time you were going to stay

You asked me if you had a place in my life
I had dreams of one day becoming your wife

How was that so easy to miss?
It is hard now to reminiscence

On the day, I expressed to you what was in my heart
Your costume eyes filled with mist

Were your tears real?

My beauty unveiled
My heart unafraid to feel

Did that really happen?

At times, it feels almost unreal
That I took the ultimate risk
Of being fully embraced or merely dismissed

Unfortunately, you chose the latter
I am still confused as to why, my feelings did not matter

There were many things left to say
But you would not be bothered and went on your merry way

You ran to the arms of another
Even though, you knew that I loved you
More than any other

Ever could
How could I have been so misunderstood?

You confided in me, you could not trust
A strong foundation we had once built

How could your heart towards me be filled with so much mistrust?
When did the foundation begin to deteriorate and rust?

The tears you cried were a symbol of guilt
Where would we be?
If you had not hurt me?

I still miss you
I still care

Forsaking me for another
Was hard to bear

My words had fallen on deaf ears
I had wasted too many years

There was only one thing left to do
I had to start loving me and stop loving you

As the days pass, I hurt less and less
I am responsible for my own happiness

Make no mistake I may forgive
But I will never forget

The hole that was left in my heart
When our ways did part

Leaving me behind
Life can be so unkind
It may prove to be your greatest regret

It is time to retreat
I am tired of this attitude of defeat

I must stop going down memory lane
The “what ifs” can drive a person insane

I don’t have regrets because I told you what was in my heart
Even though, my feelings drove us apart

I must move on from the past and you
It is high time, and long overdue

My first time out
I found out what love is all about
But now I have my doubts

A creature of comfort and habit
A cowardly lion? You?
I never would have fathomed it

But it is true
Still I must forgive you
Because it is long overdue

If someday you come back around the bend
How could I ever go down that road again?

The truth is I could never just think of you as a friend
And so I am afraid that all roads leading to you are just dead ends

No more tears to cry
Over you

Those days are long gone
I will persevere and move on

To myself, I must try
To be true
I am headed for skies of blue

ECHOS OF AN ERA

Do you ever hear the soundtrack of your life playing faintly in the inner recesses of your mind? If they are good ones, memories can keep you company and bring you comfort. I have memories such as these that if I am still enough I can still hear their echo in my consciousness.

My parents built my childhood home in 1973. Five years later, I was born. While I was growing up there, we had some really good friends. Sassy and my mom were really good friends. Stephen, Sassy's youngest child, and my brother Ben grew up together in the same neighborhood. There was only this green grassy field separating our houses. Ben and Stephen made good use out of this field. It served as a baseball diamond and a football field. They played many games of cork ball and even splattered eggs onto the adjoining neighbor's fence. It served as a path between two young boys who were the best of friends.

Melinda, Stephen's older sister would walk across the field to our house to get me and she would walk back through that same field to her house with me in tow. She used to walk to our house a lot tell my mom that she had me and take me over to her house for awhile. She would paint my nails every color of the rainbow. She would brush what little hair I had and pull it up by the roots on top of my head. When I got a little older, I walked through the field to their house and Sassy would fix hot dogs heated in the microwave for me. This was a real treat considering that we did not own a microwave at that time. She would cut them up for me. They were so good.

When I was a preteen Sassy introduced me to Heather who would soon become my best friend. I am surprised that we did not wear a path through that field as many times as we would go back and forth through it from her house to mine and vice versa. Heather and I used to do somersaults and handstands in that field. We played homerun derby, hide-n-go seek, and german spotlight in that field. German spotlight was a lot of fun because we played it in the dark. It was a lot like hide-n-go seek except instead of actually having to tag someone all you had to do was shine a flashlight on them. We also would ride our bikes through that field. There was this one strip of land along the side of the neighbor's fence and we would ride our bikes down the decline into the street. Then we we ride our bikes up the incline and do it all over again. We called it the rollcoaster. Looking back now, I don't suppose it was the smartest or the safest thing to do, but we did it anyway. We ran through that field with wild abandon and without a care in this world. It served as a path for two girls who were the best of friends.

The boys would play sports and the girls would gather those tiny little white flowers and make necklaces and bracelets. Also one of our favorite past times, was picking dandelions from the field and blowing on them watching their feathery substance float to the ground. If I came back from Heather's house in the dark, I took off running and just before I reached my driveway my foot would land in this hole and I would fall flat on my face. It never failed. I guess that is what I got for being afraid of the dark. When Heather and I were teenagers we designated a meeting place half way down the field to exchange clothes. We would end up talking for awhile. Then we would say "good night" and go off in different directions back to our houses respectively. Indeed, our field served many purposes. It could be magical at night with a million stars shining brightly up overhead. Maybe, I am romanticizing a little. It's my blog I can romanticize if I want to.

Why all of the nostaglia you might ask? Sigh. Well, Sassy doesn't live there anymore. In fact, her house has had two predecessors. The current inhabitants have decided to destroy my childhood field. My childhood field is being enclosed with a wooden gate-no more wide open space. And if that wasn't enough, they have hired employees from Aloha pools most likely to put in one of those hideous above ground swimming pools. They dug up the sacred soil of which our happy feet once trod. Okay. So call me a sentimental drama queen. I don't care. They disturbed the delicate emotional balance of my childhood memories that have been well perserved. When I surveyed this eyesore, a song came to my mind and one line in particular from this song: "They paved paradise and put up a parking lot". Well, in this case they paved paradise and put up an above ground swimming pool. I feel like I am living across from the "Beverly Hillbillies". It was a child's paradise with no restrictions. A big wide open space full of potential with a big lusicious and green magnolia tree stationed in the corner. It's gone now and it saddens me. I feel like as Jewel says in her new song "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland, that "my childhood is scattered along the highway".

A friend of mine who has a four year old child and I were having a conversation the other day. She, her husband, and their daughter decided to move away from their old neighborhood because it was getting a little too shady. She wants her child safe and protected. It's not too much to ask. In this day in time, is there any such thing as a safe place? Is she or her little friends going to be able to grow up in a wide open space? Are they going to be able to run through a big green field with wild abandon without a care in this world? They deserve the right to be footloose and fancy free kids, don't they? Somehow and at some point we must take back the reigns of this society and forge on ahead with aspirations for a brighter future. You deserve the right to be a kid and sometimes you have to fight for it. Wouldn't it be wonderful, to remain eternally innocent? Wouldn't it be wonderful to view the world through the unclouded perception of a child? Antoine de Saint once wrote, "And the little prince said to the man", "Grownups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them".

I would like to enter the magical world of Capeside for a moment. Capeside is the fictional town set in Massachusetts on the now syndicated Dawson's Creek. This particular scene takes place in the sixth season and the next to last episode ever of the beloved teen drama series. In the first season, the offbeat character of Jen Lindley came to town in a cab to live with her grandmother, who she affectionately called "Grams". She saw Joey, Pacey, and Dawson messing around with each other on the dock, knowing immediately that she wanted to be apart of that innocence. In the six season, she, Jack, and Grams are all leaving Capeside for New York City where Jen is from originally. The big yellow taxi pulls up to take them away. No doubt she hears the soundtrack of her life playing in the background. She turns around to take one last look around and says, "What is this feeling? It just seems like everything 's getting smaller and smaller. It's all still there, but I just can't touch it". Jack simply replies, "I think it's called goodbye". On that very same day, Dawson was shooting a movie in tribute to their childhood on the creek. Jen looks in the direction of the actors messing with each other on the dock. It was a nice bookend. She had come full circle. I feel the same way Jen must have felt. It is not easy to let go of your childhood and the place that is the most comforting and familiar. I guess now I will have to visit the Wildflower Farm, where there are droves of wildflowers in this big wide open space. A dreamer could lose him or herself in that field filled with wildflowers. It is a beautiful sight and if you are lucky butterflies flutter down inviting themselves to be your companions.

I am taking mental pictures and playing a silent movie in my mind. On One Tree Hill, the character of Ellie once said, "Every song has a CODA, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away. Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life". When you are a kid you are not aware that your childhood is going to end. In fact, you can't wait to be a grown up. On the other hand, when you are a grown up you wish that you could just be a kid again. Even though my childhood is over I can still hear that soundtrack in my head. It doesn't matter how much noise the workers make in their efforts to construct the vision that their employers have in mind-nothing will drown out of the sound of the echos of an era-children's laughter, singing and excited screams. My childhood may be gone, but it will never be forgotten. It will forever be a part of me and will be remembered with sweet fondness as the soundtrack of my childhood plays faintly through the inner recesses of my mind.

Here is the song in it's entirety mentioned in my blog for posterity. This song has been recorded by such artists such as Counting Crows and Vanessa Carlton, but Amy Grant's version is the one that I most remember fondly. She was also one of my role models growing up.

"Big Yellow Taxi" by Amy Grant

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop

They took all the trees and put 'em in a tree museum
And then they charged all the poeple twenty-five bucks just to see 'em
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT now
Give me spots on my apples but leave me the birds and the bees, please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
I say, they paved paradise and they put up a parking lot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

Late last night I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi carried off my old man
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

Oh, now, they paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Hey, steam rolled paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

POCKETFUL OF PLEASURES

"Ring around the rosies, pocketful of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down". It didn't take too much to make me happy as kid. I liked when the "London Bridge" fell down. Now, I like to listen to "London Rain", by Heather Nova. Speaking from a woman's perspective who use to be a little girl, tea parties and dress up were two endlessly pleasurable activities in which I engaged. I loved putting on my momma's high heels and experimenting with her makeup. Rocking baby dolls, and finding stuffed animals who would listen and who were endlessly sympathetic towards me were two of my favorite past times. I would play "house", and "school". I even had my own school room at the front of the house. I would even pretend to cook using raw spaghetti noodles and French dressing. I made sock puppets out of old socks, yarn, scraps of cloth, construction paper, and old buttons.

Then I was introduced to the great outdoors. I became such a tomboy. I climbed trees, bike raced the boys in my neighborhood, jumped on the trampoline, skated, and turned cartwheels off the diving board. I wasn't much of a dare devil, I often opted for truth when playing "Truth or Dare". When I got a little older "Spin the Bottle" became very appealing to me. I dreamed about my "knight in shining armor" and I always wanted a "hero" to rescue me. I always wanted to be like "Rapunzel" with really long golden and shiny hair. Just because I am all grown up, doesn't mean that those dreams are gone. Sometimes, what has been long lost and forgotten can be found again.

What girl didn't want to be Jennifer Grey in "Dirty Dancing"? "Nobody puts baby in a corner". Sigh. She was such a lucky girl co-starring with Patrick Swayze. He could back me up into a corner anytime. I loved "Saved By the Bell". Zack Morris was the soothest thing since butter. Although, my first crush ever was on Michael J. Fox when he played "Scott Howard" in Teen Wolf and "Alex P. Keaton" on Family Ties. For some reason, I got all caught up in the "New Kids on the Block" craze. Joe McIntyre looked good. He still looks good.

Every summer my friends and I would gather on my carport and pretend that it was a stage. I wanted to be Paula Abdul and Debbie Gibson. I had a canopy bed when I was younger and I would pull off the top knobs and use them for microphones. These days, it is usually a deodorant bottle. Usually, I sing in the car with the windows rolled down with the wind whipping through my hair. I also enjoy singing in the shower because the acoustics sound so good in there.

I am not sure when I developed such a love for reading. I can just lose myself in a good book. I am looking forward to lounging on a chair poolside allowing the heat from the sun to make me lazy as I dive into a mezmorizing novel while I am soaking up the sun this summer. As grown a grown up, I still like to swim like a little fish more than laying out.

Recently, I went to the bookstore to find a book entitled "Burnt Toast" written by Terri Hatcher. For some unknown reason, I wound up in the poetry section of this bookstore. I sat down in the middle of the isle and just began reading and absorbing the string of words. It was almost transcendent. It so relaxed me and rejuvenated my spirit that it left me begging for more. So I bought this book of poetry. "Peyton's Podcast" once said "that the music finds you" maybe poetry does too. I just ordered Jewel's new CD "Goodbye to Alice in Wonderland". She is so poetic. A few days ago, I even got up one morning and wrote a rather lengthy poem in which I am quite proud. Writing a book was definitely a catharsis for my soul and such a sweet release.

I also enjoy being pampered. I believe that a "true princess" lives inside every woman. My "inner princess" comes out often demanding to be pampered. So I take her to the spa for the occasional massage and frequent spa manicures and pedicures. Getting my hair colored has become a rather costly hobby. I don't know for some reason it gives me confidence. I have a few hobbies, but writing is definitely my passion. It gives me immeasurable pleasure. I would like to say that I found the writing, but that wouldn't be the truth. The writing found me just in the nick of time, allowing me to pour out my pent up feelings and bottled emotions.

I also enjoy watching movies and their commentaries. Mostly, I like romantic comedies. I am envious of those thirty minute sitcoms that get wrapped up so nicely. Relationships in real life just don't work that way. I guess that is why I really like watching episodes of "Dawson's Creek" and "One Tree Hill" because they depict relationships in a somewhat realistic way. For me watching those shows, is like indulging in milk chocolate it is "pleasure you can't measure". I also enjoy watching some reality T.V. shows such as "Dancing with the Stars". I love getting a heaping helping of "All My Children and General Hospital" almost on a daily basis. Occasionally, I enjoy watching other T.V. shows which are more like dark chocolate for me I can take them or leave them. Escapism is a beautiful thing and also dangerous because sometimes it is hard to separate the myth from reality.


Those little things that we all do for ourselves whether it's reading those magazines that dish the dirt on those high-profile celebrities, playing the guitar, the drums, piano or any other instrument, laying out by the pool, or sitting out in a boat on the lake alone with your own thoughts, working a crossword puzzle, playing a game of one-on-one, sitting on a wraparound porch with a glass of lemonade watching butterflies fluttering by, exercising to your little heart's content, or playing nine or even eighteen holes of golf, losing yourself in a good book, weaving stories or being pampered at the spa make the biggest difference. We all need an escape route, a place to regain our footing, a place to run in hide when the world gets a little too scary. I still enjoy the simple pleasures in life. And I appreciate them when they come for they have become very far and few between in this world of instant gratification.

Even though I am a grown up, I still enjoy some things that I did as a child because that child still lives within me. When we get older, our ideals change and mature along with us. When I feel drained, riddled with anxiety, or the need to escape for a little while I scatter the things that I love and enjoy around me like pixie dust and pull out my pocketful of pleasures.

I pulled out my little book of poems. I hope that you like my selection. The poet, Katherine Mansfield writes of domestic bliss as being commonplace yet magical. Isn't that what every little girl dreams of having one day? She dreams of having a family to take care of and love. If we are really lucky, we might even find some sparks of romance mingled in for good measure. As SheDaisy says, "God Bless the American Housewife". In the meantime, I will enjoy the freedom of my single status. Even when there is a mound of laundry awaiting us, I hope we can still find time and joy in pulling out are own unique and distinct pocketful of pleasures.

Camomile Tea by Katherine Mansfield

Outside the sky is light with stars;
There's a hollow roaring from the sea.
And, alas! for the little almond flowers,
The wind is shaking the almond tree.

How little I thought, a year ago,
In the horrible cottage upon the Lee
That he and I should be siting so
And sipping a cup of camomile tea.

Light as feathers the witches fly,
The horn of the moon is plain to see;
By a firefly under a jonquil flower
A goblin toasts a bumble-bee.

We might be fifty, we might be five,
So snug, so compact, so wise are we!
Under the kitchen-table leg
My knee is pressing against his knee.

Our shutters are shut, the fire is low,
The tap is dripping peacefully;
The saucepan shadows on the wall
Are black and round and plain to see.

CUP OF JOE

I thought that it was time for a candid conversation. A post that reveals who I am outside of being a fairly regular blogger. I thought that I would share some details that define me.

Last thing that made me cry?

Well, truthfully I have been known to cry at Hallmark commercials. I can't just turn on the waterworks; however I can be pretty emotional at times and especially during a certain time of the month. The last thing that really made cry honest to goodness tears is when my chocolate lab who was thirteen years of age went to doggy heaven this past February.

Last thing that made me laugh?

The last thing that made me laugh was when my brother stubbed his toe last night. Ouch! He was shouting expletives. My mom and I were just cracking up. I also have been known to laugh uncontrollably when I see someone fall down. I can't help it. It's genetic.

My biggest regret?

Well, the truth is I don't have that many regrets. Some are definitely more personal than others. I guess I regret not taking many chances and risks. I play it way too safe. If I did take a few more risks I might find more foder for my blogs.

My greatest love?

"I found the greatest love inside of me", to quote an 80's song entitled "The Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston. I like to think that I take care of myself and that I love and respect myself. I don't think that I have experienced "great love" other than from my family, friends, and my relatonship with the Lord. I would consider Jesus Christ dying on the cross for my sins the greatest love of all. So in that respect I have experienced "the greatest love".

My worst fear?

My worst fear is abandonment probably because my parent's are divorced and my dad left my mom, brother, and me when I was at the tender age of four. I also fear a lack of communication within a relationship. Sometimes, it is hard for me to express my feelings.

My most valued possession?

My journal where I write down my thoughts. Of course, my very own copy of my book which was published at the end of March. I also like my cell phone. It keeps me connected with my world. I also have a sapphire and diamond ring that has a lot of sentimental value. I wear it on the fourth finger of my left hand to keep it close to my heart because my family gave it to me as a college graduation present. I had been admiring my ring from afar for years!

First thing I do every morning?

Well, I use to check myspace every morning, but it has slowly lost its appeal. I do different things. Sometimes I just lay in bed thinking about my "To Do list". Sometimes I take a shower first thing in the morning. Lately, I have been munching on chocolate pop tarts. This morning I wrote a poem.

Last thing I do at night?

I wash my face and brush my teeth. I watch T.V. or an episode of Dawson's Creek or One Tree Hill from my DVD collections. Sometimes, I read a book depending on how sleepy I am. Lately, I have been writing in my journal late at night.

Household appliance I can't live without?

A microwave. I use it almost on a daily basis. I eat Smart Ones frozen cuisine almost everyday for lunch. I would also have to say a blender because I love fruit smoothies. Delicious! I am always reminded of the scene on "Father Of the Bride" between Annie and her dad. She flips out when her fiance, Bryan gives her a blender as a wedding present because she sees it as a 1950's reference for women keeping their place at home. I wouldn't flip out if I received a blender. I don't mind being submissive as long as my boyfriend/husband isn't taking advantage. Someday, I would love to be a Stay At Home Mom for awhile as long as I can have full access to the computer in which to write!

My favorite quote?

This is a tough one. I might as well have found this one on a park bench. Actually, I found it in a book of quotes when I was substitute teaching. The author is unknown or at least I didn't write it down. It has just stuck with me. "True love does not just consist of gazing at each other but gazing outward together in the same direction". In other words, it's all about being on the same page.

My best and worst quality?

This is another tough one. I am very demonstrative. At times I can be very pessimistic and see the glass as being "half empty" instead of "half full". I also can be lazy. I can do anything I put my mind to doing. The flip side of that is that it takes alot to motivate me.

What gives me comfort?

Writing comforts me. It's a release. I believe that writing can be a catharis for my soul. Prayer comforts me. Butterflies comfort me.

What makes me sad?

What truly makes me sad is all the graceful exits from my life of the people I never wanted to leave it. Also it saddens me when I hear someone say that they don't like to read. What would the world be without literature, fiction, or novels? I love diving into a good book. "Come on in the water is fine".

What makes me happy?

Writing makes me happy because it gives me purpose. Blogging makes me happy because it gives me a place to express my thoughts. Sunny and clear days make me happy. Pedicures make me happy. I like happy toes. Babies make me happy. Butterflies make me happy. Being on the "New York Times" best selling list would really make me happy.

Having answered these questions, I feel that I know myself a little bit better. Isn't that the point? You and I see these myspace bulletins all the time with survey after survey. Although 99% of the material on myspace is shallow and superficial, it too can also have it's moments. It reconnected me to an old friend of mine from junior high. So the next time one of these surveys lands with a thud in your inbox or is posted in a bulletin on myspace, take a few minutes to answer honestly an openly. The someone who sent it may be using it as a means to get to know you better: a bridge of communication.

I would like to share with you a story that a guy friend of mine told me the other day. It truly touched me how sentimental he can be. "A professor stands in front of his students with a jar. He fills the jar with golf balls. Then he asks the class, "Is it full?" The class responds in unison, "Yes, it's full". Then the professor fills the jar with pebbles. He asks the class, "Is it full?" The class responds in unison again, "Yes it's full". Next, the professor fills the jar with sand on top of the golf balls and pebbles. He asks the class for a third time, "Is it full?" The class responds for a third time, "Yes, it's full". The professor begins to explain that the golf balls respresent "the family unit". The pebbles represent "the mundane details, the rountines, and the busyness of life". The sand represents "time". Finally, he pours coffee into this already full jar. The jar is filled with coffee to the brim. The professor asks for a final time, "Is it full now?" The class responds in unison for a final time, "Yes, it's full". He looks at the class, and says something very profound. "There is always enough room in your life for a cup of coffee with an old friend". Who knew that a science experiment, could carry such weight? Pardon the pun.

True to form, we all complain about the pebbles( the mundane, the routines, and the busyness). In truth, we could all do without so many pebbles. But then what would we complain about? Oh yeah, family. What if we didn't have those golf balls? Those people in our lives with whom we share a last name and a legacy. What if we didn't have sand? Time is pretty important. We claim that we don't have it for doing the things that we need to do, but there always seems to be enough time to do what we want to do. And lastly, what would we do without coffee? We would probably never wake up or go through the decision making process at Starbucks. By the way, a Caramel light frappucino is my drink of choice.

If you are a middle aged or older lady meeting friends for tea at a quaint little tea room, sip your tea if you must with your little pinky sticking out, but don't forget to ask your dining companions, "How are you?" or "What's new in your life?" "It is what is on the inside that counts". If you are a hip and saavy twenty-something hanging out at a coffeehouse, make time for your friends. Start up a conversation, you never know how much your time and effort can mean to someone. It can be very therapeutic talking with someone. I have many interesting conversations with my friends. I am making more of a conscious effort to spend more time with them after having heard that story. I was thinking about it as a friend and I went to eat dinner together the other night. We just let our hair down and had a really good conversation. There is enough room in our lives for old and new friends alike. Friends are like precious jewels. They are to be treasured. Pull up a chair next to an old friend, catch up on time that has gone by and pour your friend and yourself a cup of joe whether it be decaf or regular.

In my opinion, this song entitled "Sorry to a Friend" by Edwin McCain is fitting for this particular post. I hope that you enjoy it and get something out of it as I do.

Sorry to a Friend

Sittin' on the edge
Looking for songs in a bottle
Talking with strangers who don't know my pain
Blurry eyed and burned out
Choking on more than I can swallow
Crack in a little voice called out my name

She said ~ Whatever happened to you,
You took the coward's way out again
And I guess all my fears were true
The words were all gone the time's been too long.
But its not too late to say it sorry to a friend

Staring in her face, I see a past that still haunts me
The road where we split up is paved with the things I didn't say
We had wonderful times, but terrible timing
Now just leave her alone, I'll just be in the way

She said whatever happened to you
You took the coward's way out again
And I guess all my fears were true
The words are all gone, the time's been too long
But it's not too late to say I'm sorry to a friend
I'm sorry to a friend. Sorry to a friend

Like a stone in a stream
Life smoothes all our edges
'Til we barely make a ripple any more
But those times in my life will live with me forever
But we're not the same people that we were before

And I'm sorry for the smiles we missed and the times that I blew it
I've got so much to tell you I don't know where to start
Maybe I'll find a way maybe you'll help me do it
'Cause friends like us should not be apart
And I'm sorry to a friend
Well now I'm sorry

---

ONE SINGLE SOUL

It is fitting that this post comes on the heels of "Graceful Exits". Aristotle once said, "Friends are one soul dwelling in two bodies". Have you ever stopped to think about what that means? Sure, we all have friends. Some people have more friends than others. More than likely these friends are mere acquaintances than true friends. Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother". Consider the friends who are apart of your life. Would this friend take the shirt off his back for you? Would this friend throw water on you if you were on fire? Would this friend fight lions, tigers, and bears? Oh my!

In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy had some great friends regardless of the fact that these friends were a lion, a tin man, and a scarecrow. Each one was looking for something different. The Scarecrow, who was Dorothy's dearest friend, was searching for a brain. The Tin Man was searching for a heart and the Cowardly Lion was searching for courage. Dorothy wanted to find a way back home. So all of these characters had something in common. They were searching for something. They were searching for something that would make them complete. Perhaps the Scarecrow was Dorothy's dearest friend because he was the first one she had met on her journey to Oz. They all decided to go see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz, together. The key word in the previous sentence is "together".

They were brave souls. They obtained their bravery from each other despite supposedly the lion did not have any courage. If you ask me, he was pretty courageous on that sometimes spooky and unknown trek to Oz. If that Tin Man didn't have a heart then how come he was so tender and he cried all the time? If the Scarecrow didn't have a brain then how come he knew and only he knew the right things to say to Dorothy when she was distraught and ready to give up? The Tin Man needed Dorothy to bring out the tenderness and gentility in him. The Cowardly Lion needed her so he could feel big and strong by protecting her. The Scarecrow needed her because she saw that he had potential. In my opinion, Dorothy needed them for support, protection, comfort, and company. The Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion all needed Dorothy, one single soul, to bring out the best in all of them.

Switching gears from a beloved movie to a beloved television series, I will now focus my attention on the incredible dynamic of Dawson and Joey. The characters of Dawson and Joey were played by James Van der Beek and Katie Holmes respectively on the hit show Dawson's Creek. The setting is in Dawson's bedroom where the greatest and most memorable conversations between Dawson and Joey always took place. He is leaving the next day, to go off to Hollywood in pursuit of a childhood dream to become a director. Joey is having a hard time letting go of her friend, confidante, and soulmate. Joey says to Dawson: "Do you believe in magic? I never used to. How could I? Thirteen , your mom dies. You hope for magic something to make it all better. It never comes. You look to your father who's unable to overcome all of his tragic flaws. Well no abracadabra there. And then there's Pacey. Well... Any magic that was there ran out, didn't it? But then there's you. There's proof that someone out there is thinking of me. My friend who is with me always. It's pure magic". In another episode, Joey asks Dawson: "Do you think that every Joey has a Dawson and every Dawson has a Joey?" Dawson replies, "I certainly hope so for their sake". Dawson and Joey are just two single souls who needed each other.

Someone once said, "No man is an island". Everyone needs just one person to be there for them whether in good times or bad times, but especially in those uncertain times. It doesn't necessarily have to be the same person just one single soul needing another. I have had two "scarecrows" in my life. The first scarecrow I met as a child. She taught me about friendship. The second scarecrow I met as an adult. He taught me about romantic love. My best friend Heather is very dear to me because she happened to be the first person that I met on my journey, this journey that we call life. We haven't always seen eye to eye. In fact, at times we see things so differently; however we have continued to be there for each other in whatever capacity we could be. Having had been friends with someone for so long is a rare and precious gift. It is a gift that should be treasured and not taken for granted. John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends".

There have been other souls who I have met on my journey who have given of their time and of themselves in ways that have meant so much to me. Each and every single soul I have encountered that God has blessed me with in my life brings out something different in me. "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves". Although I have more than a handful of family members who I hold dear and consider my time with them precious and well spent.

In an episode of One Tree Hill, the character Peyton played by Hilarie Burton said, "At this moment, there are six billion, four hundred, seventy-one million, eight hundered, eighteen thousand, six hundred, and seventy-one people in the world. Six billion souls and sometimes...all you need is one". Sometimes all we need is one. Another character by the name of Nathan played by James Lafferty on One Tree Hill said, "If you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song, and in the eyes of someone you love". Last Saturday morning, I woke up cranky. I had to go to work. I drank some coffee hoping that would bring me to life and take care of the tiredness and crankiness. My best friend brought her newborn daughter by for a minute and in that instant, a big smile came across my face. It took just one- one single soul in the form of a little baby to set me on my MERRY way.

I am still anticipating "the one". The one person in which I am meant to share my life. The person who will be my friend, confidante, and soul mate. A kindred spirit, in which I can share my fears, hopes, and dreams. I felt the magic once temporarily. I am trying to wait patiently for the "hocus pocus" to weave its spell on my heart once again. Isn't there one single soul out there who is my match in every way? I am sure that we have all asked that question at one time or another, out of lonely frustration. If you are lonely, don't lose heart. Reach out to someone. You can find comfort, hope, and stability in the strangest of places. Octavio Paz once said, "Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human conditon. Man is the only being who knows he is alone". Tennessee Williams once wrote, "When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone". You don't have to walk this journey we call life alone. I am grateful for the company that I have been given in my life. I have people who unselfishly give of their time and themselves. I have people who give me validity, depth, and substance. I hope that you have someone who gives you validity, depth, and substance in your lives whether it be a friend, a family member, a significant other, or a spouse. After all every "scarecrow" needs his "Dorothy" and every "Dawson" needs his "Joey". One single soul deserves another.

Here is a poem by Richard Brautigan entitled "Your Catfish Friend". It has been said that, "Brautigan is good for you". So sit down and get comfortable. Let me brew you a cup and drink it in slowly.

"Your Catfish Friend"

If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by
one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
of my affection
and think, "It's beautiful
here by this pond. I wish
somebody loved me,"
I'd love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be
at peace,
and ask yourself, "I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond? It seems like
a perfect place for them".

GRACEFUL EXITS

"I wanted to share something personal and tell you that there are people in my life who are gone now, people I miss very much and people who I am haunted by in different ways. Whether we're separated by death or merely distance, I know that they are still with me because I keep them in my heart". This is an excerpt from Joey's graduation speech on Dawson's Creek. I was reminded of this speech when my baby brother graduated from high school last week. I took a trip down memory lane and arrived at my own graduation from high school almost ten years ago. That is really hard to believe. I am not sure what is harder to believe, Jamey graduating from high school or the undeniable fact that I have been out of high school for almost ten years now. I began to think about how much his life is going to change as he is now standing at a crossroads. As he took this gigantic step, I began to retrace mine. I began to think about all of the changes that took place in my life that fateful summer after graduation.

The year was 1997. I graduated from high school and felt immediately pressured to find a job that would hopefully make ends meet so that I could attend a junior college and then make my way to a university. So suddenly my freedom was gone and this pesky thing called "responsibility" took its place. My maternal grandmother also died that summer. I went to visit her grave on Mother's Day just a few days ago. She had a tremendous impact on my life. She had a quiet strength about her that I so admired and respected. My brother Ben moved out of our house for the second time and as if that wasn't enough my best friend, Heather moved across town. An emotional upheaval had ensued on all fronts. One chapter of my life was closing and I was reluctant for another one to begin.

I was invited to go on a trip to Florida with a friend from my former school and her family. I jumped at the opportunity to rid my mind of the reminders that my life was changing and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. I suppose, I had a nice enough time. As I mentioned in a previous post, I fainted at Sea World. I think it was my way of dealing with all of the changes in my life. Stress and I were getting to know each other on a first name basis. Through out that particular time in my life I learned that change was inevitable. John Steinbeck once wrote, "Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass". What I couldn't understand and what I still struggle with to this day is why change is necessary. Why can't things just stay the same? Why are we and our world constantly evolving? Hasn't anyone ever heard the expression, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? Sigh. (Note to Self: "Take a deep breath").

Four years later, I found a group of people in which I could be myself. And I fell in love with one of them so deeply and completely that it took a long time for me to accept that that time in my life is over as well. He had a profound impact on my life twice. There are those people who gracefully exit your life and never return, and then there are those people who gracefully exit your life and make a surprise return through that secret and invisible revolving door. Then there are those people who just stick with you no matter what. Those people who you take for granted. I prefer these people. The people on whom you can depend, lean, and count on when push comes to shove. People like my best friend. Although, our lives have changed and evolved as we grew up and our now adults she still has my back and I still have hers no matter what. Now and always. Even though, there were a few fights that we have had over the years in which I thought we might not get past, but still no exit. Thank goodness.

After having said "goodbye" the first time to my first love, God put an amazing person in my life. She and her husband have been such a comfort and inspiration to me in ways they will never know. Thank you Cherrie. Just when I thought nothing could rock my world, she informed me that her husband was being transferred. Surprisingly, I took the move rather well. I can't think about the distance between us for too long or else it has a tendency to sadden me. We are still great friends and we talk on a regular basis; however, we are both keenly aware of the miles that separate us. I recently went to visit she and her family at their new home.

There are just some people like Cherrie and Heather who come with a bulit in welcome mat. I felt immediately at home with these people. Well, maybe not so much with Heather at first, but as my friend Matt says, "that's another blog for another time". Then there's Matt. He is a good tried and true friend. He had one of those built in welcome mats as well, but initially I couldn't see it because I was too foolishly wrapped up in my current emotional upheaval. "Hindsight is 20/20", so they say."What you see is what you get" with Matt. We all need people in our lives like that. He is actually one of those people who came through the revolving door. Thankfully by that time, I was ready and willing to put a welcome mat out for him.

Recently, an old childhood friend of mine, Natalie came through that revolving door. We were the best of friends in junior high and somehow we just fazed out. She started attending a new school and our lives went off in different directions. I am glad that life seems to have been kind to her. Maybe we can get to know each other again as grown ups and remember the children that we were. It is nice to have those people in your life who remind you of a time that was sweet and innocent. Natalie is one of those people.

Then there are those people who you sometimes regret leaving behind and at the same time know that it was time to move on for your own well being and state of mind. On the other hand, there are those people who have left you behind. People with whom you have somehow outgrown and vice versa. Maybe these people through no fault of their own just carry with them painful memories that you can't get past. By gones. Sometimes you have to let go of the things and even the people who have hurt you. Sometimes you have to be the one to make a graceful exit. I have had to bow out gracefully at times because I felt like I had no other choice or because I felt like I was someone's second choice. Being in the back of someone's mind, became less and less appealing to me when I finally realized that I deserved to be a top priority.

Jamey, my baby brother is about to go through a very significant transition in his life. What he has in his favor is his brothers and sisters who have gone before him who have "been there and done that". Making mistakes is just apart of life, but learning from our mistakes is a choice. It is a crucial choice that if in fact we don't want to repeat those mistakes we must learn from them.

There are people who have been in my life who are gone now, who I miss very much and who in different ways haunt me and who have supported, encouraged, loved, and even challenged me in their own unique ways. Now for the end of Joey's graduation speech, "The truth is, in time that's all we are going to be to each other anyway this population of memories. Some wonderful and endearing some less so, but taken together those memories help make us who we are and who we will be. So whether you are here with each other now or merely in each other's thoughts remember each other on that road ahead, and I hope that no matter where your travels lead you in this life, you'll always take Capeside with you". Next year, is my ten year high school graduation reunion and those people who have made graceful exits will re-enter some who carry "wonderful and endearing memories" and some who carry less than "wonderful and endearing memories".

We all have had to say "good-bye" to someone in our lives whether it be "merely distance or through death, a final "good-bye". More than likely, you think about these people that you have left behind or those who have left you behind. "I hope that wherever your travels, lead you in this life, you'll always take( fill in the blank) with you". My hope for Jamey is that he will be able to take those along with him on his journey who have made the greatest impact and who have made growing up a bit more bearable. Hopefully, as he matures more and more each day he will count his family, his sister (me) at the top of his list of the people on whom he can depend, count, and lean on when push comes to shove. Isn't it obvious how much I love my baby brother?

I hope that people my age can be a little less selfish when looking at the generation that follows us, thinking a little less about how so much precious time has passed us by, and a little more about paving a way for these young men and women who hold so much promise and potential within his or her grasp. Hopefully, those people who stand by us no matter what stage we are in our lives, can make it a little bit more bearable when other people make disappearing acts and graceful exits. Oh and one more thing, over the years I finally figured out why change is necessary. Change is necessary and not always a terrible thing because it is God's intent for us to be totally dependent upon Him. He needs us to need Him. However, that does not mean that we should not do our parts because we should do our parts. It just means that He will always be with us and He will never make a disappearing act or a graceful exit.

Whether or not you are still a part of my life, if you have had any kind of impact on me at all, rest assured you still have a place in my heart. Here is poem by E.E. Cummings (It reminds me of a true life love story- loves last tribute) and a duet by Sheryl Crow and Sting called "Always By Your Side" ( It is dedicated to a very special guy who no longer has a place in my life, but will always have a place in my heart) that has comforted me when thinking about my "population of memories".

"I Carry Your Heart with Me" by E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world ( for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

"Always By Your Side" by Sheryl Crow (Duet with Sting)

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away

But every now and then you come to mind

Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game

But when your name was called, you found a place to hide

When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent

my demons and my angels reappeared

Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be

Too afraid to hear the words i always fear

leaving you with only questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear

Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally

This isn't how it's really meant to be

No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,

How to pull it close and make it stay

Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away

And I'm left to carry on and wonder why

Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear

Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally

But this isn't how it's really meant to be

Oh it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear

How to pull it close and make it stay

If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away

Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why

Was it you that kept me wondering through this life

When you know that I was always on your side

WALKS OF LIFE

I have said many times that my travels inspire my writing. My last and most recent venture is no exception to the rule. In my last post, I wrote about how I hope that I make a good impression on other people. In this blog, I want to express how other people make an impression on me. I can honestly say that everyone with whom I encountered was genuinely nice. Each and every person I encountered had a story and some were even willingly to share their stories.

On Saturday afternoon April 29, 2006 much to my chagrin, I boarded a plane headed for Phoenix Arizona. My fellow passenger happened to be a nice looking guy who volunteered to put my carry-on bag into one of the overhead bins and offered me a seat. I was so terrified to take off because I hadn't flown in over six years. He was reading a magazine nonchalantly as I was trying hard not to projectile the remains of my breakfast and my just peachy smoothie that I had opted for instead of something else that would have weighed heavily on my already queasy stomach. I looked over at him as I grabbed on for dear life, and politely asked, "So this doesn't bother you?" "No", he politely replied. He informed me that he had flown several times and each time was the same. However, he did mention that one time he made the mistake of eating a McDonald's Big Mac before getting on a plane which made me even more grateful for having sense enough to just drink a smoothie.

When the plane leveled off, I felt like I could at least breathe. So Bryan and I started up a conversation. It turned out that he was originally from Scottsdale, Arizona. And he had moved to Nashville on a transfer. I also found out by talking to him that he was planning a wedding with his future bride. He was going to Phoenix to visit her for a few days. I told him that I had recently published a book in which he said "Congratulations". He said that he also had a manuscript that he had been working on for awhile. He also was a songwriter of sorts. An hour had passed by, before I asked for the time. He had managed to put me at ease which believe me was no easy feat especially when I heard the pilot say we were going to be traveling at exactly 45,000 feet up in the air. I could have gone the rest of my life without having heard that tidbit of information.

The landing wasn't so bad. I decided half way through the flight to look out of the window for awhile. I had forgotten how beautiful the puffy white clouds could be looking down at them. I began to relax as the plane was making its final descent. Then it was time to go to baggage claim and retrieve my luggage. Luckily, I had my Mom along for this trip. At first, we thought that our luggage had been lost as we were waiting for our ride from the airport. We made a sigh of relief when we finally spotted our luggage. We had come to visit my Mom's sister and my favorite aunt.

By Wednesday, we had decided to venture out towards historical downtown where my Aunt Frances has her hair done on a weekly basis. I finally met the infamous Janet who is my aunt's hairdresser. She had heard as much about me as I had heard about her. She wasn't at all how I had pictured her. Most people rarely look the way that you envision them in your mind. I really didn't expect her to have blonde hair although it was probably not her natural color. She was very nice and I really appreciate how kind she has been to my aunt. I love the downtown area there. There is so much history. We went to Lute's Casino for lunch. It is the place where are the movie stars like Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable used to go for a good time. I bought some souvenirs while I was there at a place called Twigs.

Janet, Mom, Aunt Frances, and I made plans to meet for lunch the next day. We went to this quaint little cafe on the outskirts of town that serves Chinese cuisine. It was really good. I inquired about the Mexican restaurants and Janet told me about the local restaurants. She recommended the green chili enchilada at El Charro's Cafe. It turned out that she was a member of a book club. My Aunt Frances had told her that I had written and published a book so she was anxious to read it and informed me that she was going to tell the book club. I got very excited because my book was now circulating in Arizona.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the entire trip was the journey home. We woke up at about 3:30 AM in order to catch a taxi. The taxi ended up coming early to take us to our next stop which happened to be a Chevron station a few miles up the road. It was hard saying goodbye to Aunt Frances that morning although I was half-awake and half-asleep. We went to this gas station to catch a shuttle that would take us to the Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix. We waited over an hour for that shuttle. During that time, we met one of the workers from the Chevron station. I felt so sorry for that man having to come in to work so early. In the hour that we had been waiting we learned that he was originally from Michigan and his doctor had advised him to move to a warmer climate because of his health condition. He was a widower. He had one son and three grandchildren of which two boys and one girl. They were planning on coming for a visit to see him this summer. He was a very nice man. He even watched out for us when this man riding a bicycle decided to stop by and get something to eat. He was a shady character. He pulled his bicycle around the back of the store to eat. Mom and I had our guard up, but the worker was keeping a close watch out for us.

Along came the shuttle just when we had started to give up on it, and out popped a doe eyed brunette who promptly started loading our luggage into the back of the van and informed us that she was going to get some coffee. There was another passenger who was getting on the shuttle at the Chevron station, a soft-spoken man who was nice enough. He was irritated because the 5:15 AM shuttle was the only one running that day and his flight wasn't until two o'clock. I can't say that I blame him for being irritated. The shuttle driver, Simone was a very entertaining and colorful character. I didn't mind her bubbly personality even though I was trying my hardest to sleep. She and the shotgun passenger struck up a conversation. He was an older man who was headed to Cody, Wyoming. He seemed to know a lot about life and he had had a lot of different experiences. He was probably in his late sixties if I had to guess. He was very nice and really seemed to enjoy Simone's company. Simone was a native of Utah and she had grown up as a Mormon. I gathered from the way that she talked she had done a little bit of everything to make ends meet. She even informed us that she was supposed to have gotten married in June, but that she had gotten cold feet.

We picked up some more passengers along the way. They were two girls that seemed to be going back and forth between their parents. They rode in the back of the shuttle. They tried to sleep for a little while and were smart enough to bring a blanket. I had wished that I had brought one because I am so cold-natured. Then when they had woken up, they quizzed each other on Spanish vocabulary. "What is estrella?" "Star", I simply informed them.

Did you know that it takes a cactus seventy to one hundred years to grow its first arm? That is a tidbit of information that Simone passed along. Since she had moved to Arizona, she had studied up a lot on legends, colloquialisms, history, and culture. She also made a joke that it looked like the cacti with two arms were flipping us off. I had never really thought about that before, but ever since she said that every cactus that had two arms looked like it was flipping me off.

We finally arrived at the Sky Harbor airport in one piece. My stomach took a nose dive as I realized the countdown had begun for getting on yet another plane. We hadn't managed to get a direct flight to Nashville. We were going to have to make a detour to Texas and then catch a connecting flight into Nashville. We stood in line to tag our luggage and get our boarding passes. There was a little girl in front of me carrying a Beauty and the Beast suitcase. She was so cute despite it looked as though her mother hadn't bothered brushing her hair that morning. She looked back at me and smiled. I thought to myself, this child is not afraid to get on a plane, so why am I?"

The countdown continued as Mom and I grabbed some lunch in the heavily air conditioned airport. Despite, the cold air I was in the mood for a Wendy's frosty. Yum. I thought that it might calm my nerves. Shortly, it was time to board the plane to Houston. The passenger I sat beside this time wasn't in any mood for a candid conversation like Bryan had been a week ago. He ordered tomato juice over ice as his drink of choice. Yuck. It smelled so bad. I was so glad to get off that plane because of the smell of that tomato juice not to mention the less than smooth landing. It had made me dizzy. Once we landed there wasn't much time until the connecting flight. So Mom and I visited the facilities and waited for our next flight. We were in the "A" group this time so we would get first choice of seats.

I opted for sitting in the middle for the last leg of the trip. Soon we would be arriving in Tennessee. Home. There is no place like it. This very nice lady sat next to me on the trip home. She was originally from the Northeast, but she had been living in Houston for quite awhile. It turned out that she and her husband were going to be moving to my hometown soon. She was meeting him in Nashville and they were going to drive west to look at some houses on the market. During the flight, she asked me about restaurants and entertainment. She asked me what I did for a living, which really isn't anything spectacular because I am in transition mode for the time being. I hesitated to tell her that I had published a book and that I just so happened to have a copy in my carry-on bag. My Mom had pulled it out for Randy to look at it. She asked if she could buy that copy and would I please sign it. I was so pleased. It was the smoothest flight and it seemed like it took no time at all. Still it had been a very long day, and coming back we had lost two hours. I turned to my Mom and said, "On this trip especially today, we have seen so many different walks of life". She pondered my observation for a moment, and agreed with me.

On our final descent into the Nashville airport, we looked out the window and there was a cloud cover. It felt like we were walking through the clouds. I looked down at the earth below, and I saw the green trees. The atmosphere is so different here than in Arizona. I felt my ears pop for probably the first time on all four flights. I breathed in the air and it was filled with moisture instead of dry heat. I felt a chill for the first time in a week. And I felt precipitation. Even though it was raining, I was glad to be home in Tennessee.

I am thankful for every new person I met this week. Every person had a purpose for going to where he or she was going. The heart is a traveler. My heart was calling me to Arizona to visit my aunt because I had not seen her face to face in six years. People are searching for a place to belong and feel safe. I felt safe in Arizona among family. It was a time that I will never forget. I am a link in a legacy of some pretty remarkable women. I hope that these people who I encountered find or have found that place where they feel safe and belong. We get so caught up in our destinations, that often times, we can't appreciate or enjoy our journeys as they are happening. We live in a very diverse world filled with different shades of the rainbow and rich in culture. No matter where we travel on life's journey, whether it is Arizona, Tennessee, or any state in between, whether we go for a ride, a flight, or simply pass by someone on the street we will encounter many different walks of life.

Perhaps the greatest of travelers are those who have put their life on the line for their country those who have served proudly in the Armed Forces, Army, Navy, or the Marine Corp. These war veterans definitely deserve to be saluted for their courageousness as we continue to fight the war against terror. These people who represent our country certainly have and will continue to encounter many different walks of life. May we all find peace.

Here is one of my favorite songs "Show Me the River" by Eastmountainsouth. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do.

First Verse:
I've been a traveler of far away lands
I've got love on my mind, but death on these hands
Come homeward angel, show me the way
Or will fate leave me dead in the tracks where I lay

Chorus:
Show me the river that leads to my home back to the one that I love
Show me the wind that constantly blows and I will fly away, fly away home

Second Verse:
Since we were parted I know I have changed
You'll see the blood that was shed in the lines on my face
But now that I've turned my back on the fight
I'm gonna steal back my life like a thief in the night
I come to you through fire and snow over high rolling hills and the valleys below
With all that I've suffered I'm still on this road and if I hold you again will never let go

Chorus:
Show me the river that leads to my home back to the one that I love
Show me the wind that constantly blows and I will fly away, fly away home

SIGNATURES & SOUVENIRS

"Being Southern is a state of mind". Well, I am not from Alabama, but I am from the South. I was born and raised in West Tennessee. I take pride that most people from the South are friendly and hospitable. We make people feel at home. We smile and make eye contact. We even offer up tea and sympathy when needed except in our case it is usually iced tea with a wedge of lemon.

I do get curious from time to time how other people live in big and bustling cities. I wouldn't mind going to explore the Big Apple or even Los Angeles. Once, I was pretty close to Los Angeles when I was visiting family. We took a day trip to San Diego and what a beautiful city. We could have gone into Los Angeles, but we decided to head down to Mexico since their home is only twenty minutes from the Mexican border. I have actually been to Alabama as well. My best friend and I decided to take a road trip to Gulf Shores. We drove for about fourteen hours because it was Map Quest's intent to make us travel around the world before finally taking us to our destination. I have been to Florida twice. Once I went with my dad and my step family to Tampa. We went to Disney World. The second time I went with a friend from high school and her family. I guess you could call it a semi-Senior trip. We also went to Disney World, The Epicot Center, and MGM Studios. The villa that we stayed in was so nice. I remember that it had a gigantic Olympic sized pool. I also remember getting sick from the sun at a place called the "Chicken Biscuit" at Sea World. That wasn't my finest moment.

The trips or vacations that actually mean the most to me are the ones that I have planned on my own. A few years ago, I planned a trip to go see a good friend of mine who at the time was living in North Carolina. I also decided that it was the perfect opportunity to visit Wilmington. For those of you who are unaware, Wilmington, North Carolina is called the "Hollywood of the South". The hit WB show, now in syndication, Dawson's Creek was shot there on a sound stage and on location. The WB drama One Tree Hill is currently shot there. Wilmington is breathtaking. It is a quaint and charming coastal town. I made reservations to stay at this little Bed and Breakfast which was about three blocks from Water Street down on the docks. There are all of those cool little shops like "Poodles" and "Island Passage" located near Water Street along with restaurants such as "Deluxe" and "The Reel Cafe". There was also a shop located on Water Street which had a wall filled with famous signatures like James Earl Jones, and Henry Winkler. Joshua Jackson's name was sandwiched right in between "Darth Vader" and "The Fonz". I took a picture for posterity. I have a few pictures of me standing in front of location shoots like "Leery's Fresh Fish" which is actually called "Roy's Riverboat Landing" and "Karen's Cafe". Everyone was so friendly and welcoming there. I still fantasize about the gorgeous stranger who I encountered in front of the Hilton hotel when I was about to go for a boat ride. When the week was over, I didn't want to leave. I never did make it to Wrightsville Beach. It was one of the main places that I wanted to go. Maybe I can take another trip to North Carolina sometime in the near future.

The next spring I got the opportunity to go with a friend of mine to San Antonio, Texas. It's supposed to be one of the most haunted towns in the United States; however, none of the ghosts decided to visit me. Although our horse and carriage driver told many ghost stories. I wasn't so much interested in that. I enjoyed seeing all the homes inherited from "Old Money" on the tour. I also enjoyed visiting the Alamo paying homage to the brave soldiers who fought so fearlessly. My favorite place is the River Walk. It is absolutely beautiful almost too much scenery for your senses to take in. I was definitely on a sensory overload and a natural high. It's just an amazing merger of nature and man made beauty. It definitely trumped the night life of New Orleans where I had gone the year before. It's a shame that I didn't have a guy with me to share it with besides Ken. Brandy and I meet a guy at the River Court who decided to escort us to this club called Poly Esther's. I think that's the great thing about taking a vacation because you actually have an excuse to be footloose, fancy free, and let your hair down. You can even step into a stripper's cage and pretend your name is "Sunset" while a complete stranger snaps a picture of you and your friend. That was a wild night. Ken was so nice and gentlemanly to walk us back to our hotel. My favorite adventure was taking a ride on a riverboat down the center of the River Walk. It maybe the closest I ever come to riding a gondola. I would like to go to Venice or Tuscany. A girl can dream! I was reluctant to leave San Antonio as well. I thought that we would never make it through the vast "Lone Star" state. It definitely left an impression on me.

Recently, I traveled to Baton Rouge, Louisiana to visit a friend of mine by train. I had never traveled by train and I had never traveled by myself. In a sense, it was an adventure and just another thing to cross off my list. There is this great place called "Raising Canes". They make the best chicken strips and serve the best Texas toast. I got to eat Greek food which consisted of chicken, lamb, white rice, and a great little salad with this very unique cucumber dressing. It was more like sauce than a dressing. I even got a muffeleta while I was there. I requested going to a place that served muffeletas because I had had one in the French Quarter in New Orleans. I love the olive spread. It was so good and more than I could eat. I even got to see LSU while I was there. It's a huge campus. I love the lakes. If I had gone to school there I would have walked around the lakes. It would have been so peaceful. Once again, it was time to come home. I wasn't too happy about boarding the Amtrak again after such a wonderful week, but as they say "all good things must come to an end".

In about a week, I will make another trip. Unfortunately, I have to travel by plane. I have flown before. The first time I had ever flown, I flew out of the country! For some reason I am terrified to fly now. I am going to Arizona once again. I haven't been there in six years. I am going to have to get over my fear of flying if I ever expect to make it to Europe to experience that much anticipated gondola ride. I am excited to be going on this trip. I am grateful for every opportunity to visit new states, new cultures, and even new languages.

I am not well traveled; however I would like to think that when I do go on these trips even if I do like to pretend I am someone else for a little while that I take my southern hospitality with me. That I make an impression on these people in some small way and in the same respect their kindness is not lost on me at all. In fact, their smiles, eye contact, and friendliness are greatly appreciated even if not everywhere that I travel doesn't serve iced tea with a wedge of lemon.

I have had every intention of scrap booking memories of my travels although to some would be considered few and far between. All of these places have left their imprint. Unlike the wall with all the famous visible signatures in Wilmington, North Carolina, mentally I sign my invisible "Jane Hancock" on these places that I visit hopefully having left it a better place. Who knows? My signature maybe worth something someday. I pack up all of my treasures some tangible and some intangible.

I love to travel. I could skip the packing and especially the unpacking. I think that it would be a lot easier to borrow Mary Poppin's magic carpet bag. I always seem to pack to much and leave something behind whether I make a checklist or not, but that's what drugstores are for I suppose. It is still nice to come home. For some reason, it seems to take less time coming home that going on a vacation. I guess it's because all the excitement is gone. I have always liked coming home. There is something very comforting about coming home after you have been gone for while and suddenly being surrounded by your own things, and especially sleeping in your own bed. Then the next morning, waking up to a familiar atmosphere. Ah, there is nothing like it.

If you do happen to visit the Hub City more than likely to tour our main tourist attraction the infamous "Casey Jone's Village" then I hope that I am nice to you if we ever pass by. I hope that I smile, make eye contact, and make you feel at home because I am proud to call Tennessee home. If for some reason, I do make a move to another town or state someday I hope there is something familiar about it. I hope there is something about it that comforts me and reminds me of the place where I laid down roots. I hope there are people there who will smile, make eye contact, and offer up tea and sympathy to me if I should happen to need it. There is this quote from "Sweet Home Alabama" that says "You can't have roots and wings". I disagree. Every tiny little bird must leave the nest eventually, but that doesn't mean that it forgets where the worms are so to speak. I have no reason to leave home right now, but someday I might have to. In the meantime, I will continue to travel to different towns, states, and maybe even countries making mental signatures and collecting souvenirs.

Souvenirs by Mary Beth Maziarz

I could let you slip away,
just wait for rainy days,
Find the perfect coffeehouse and talk for hours,
But wouldn't that be failing us,
letting go too soon,
when everything I am still holds on to you, and

these souvenirs...keep you here
You're really somewhere down the road, I know
But I'm still stranded here, holding all these souvenirs

I could hide all somewhere, pretend I didn't care,
Fill my time with daily things, until I'm numb
But isn't all this feeling why we reach for love at all
Isn't it the reason that we hear the call...for more than all

these souvenirs...keep you here
You're really somewhere down the road, I know
But I'm still stranded here, holding all these souvenirs