I am quickly approaching my twenty-ninth year, and in retrospect I have learned quite a lot this year about myself, and life in general. For instance, no matter what our circumstances we cannot let life hold us back from achieving our goals, reaching our dreams, and receiving blessings. If we all sat down to really consider what we do not yet have we all would probably have a list a mile long whether it be unanswered questions, a guy or a girl we would give anything just to look in our direction, a chance to start over, or just having everything be right in our own little worlds.
There are so many of the little things we have been blessed with that we overlook because we are too consumed with the big ones that for whatever reason are just shy of our reach. Those hurdles we are all faced with seem insurmountable, and yet we will never get to a good place until we jump over them whether they be our insecurities, trust issues, or simply having an overdue conversation with a loved one. Sometimes, I think it would be easier to capture lightning in a bottle or hold on to the innocence we have as children.
Recently, I read that children laugh five thousand times a day, and adults astonishingly laugh just five times a day. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we lose something a long the way. If I had to put my finger on it, and sum it up in a word that word would be wonder. If a person could find a way to capture a baby's smell, and bottle it then there would be no question that this hypothetical person would become a millionaire. What a funny paradox, if someone could become a millionaire by bottling up something as priceless as a baby's smell or a child's wonder!
I feel like I have grown up by leaps and bounds this year, no longer a child with child-like thinking or a teenager filled with angst, but an adult dealing with all the things that being an adult entails. Scary thought! I am excited about what the future holds: celebrating the last year of my twenties, and if God wills giving birth to another decade of my life.
There will never be a time in any of our lives when we have it all. Our lives were not designed that way. The author of the Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren once said, "Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others."
Maybe just maybe there are some good things to growing up after all. If we are paying attention, somewhere along the way we might just learn that it is not all about us. We might just learn a valuable lesson or two about how to be less selfish. No matter how hard we try some things will elude us. I can accept not always having answers because as a writer that is what keeps things interesting- that elusive something. We will all have triumphs and losses. Sadly, sometimes we waste years looking at a closed door allowing life to pass us by, and if we had moved on sooner we might just have that something that has eluded us. Just when we think we have taken two steps forward, something could occur that will make us take three steps back or shake our faith in God, humanity, and even ourselves. The trick is to stay tenacious, and not let any minor setback derail our vision. We all have in common the desire to reach for that elusive something no matter what it may be living through all of the breaths, smiles, and tears of our lives.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
BEAUTIFUL MOSAIC
| I am constantly amazed at how God so faithfully breathes new life into my passion! These verses came to mind as the words began to flow from my heart: Matthew 28:18-20 "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Isaiah 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Proverbs 20:27 "The lamp of the LORD searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being." I am humbly honored to be used as a vessel to convey his message. I am in awe of how God reveals Himself even in the wee hours of the morning. It is much better than counting sheep!!! |
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
STRUCTURE AND PURPOSE
Last winter, my childhood home underwent a major renovation. As the aged carpet got taken up with its stains, dust, and dirt exposing bare concrete beneath it, the inspiration for this blog emerged. To an outsider, my childhood home is nothing but a structure made of brick and mortar.
Over the years my house has had a little tinkering here and there, but it has never had this magnitude of a make-over. The concrete floors got to breathe a little after being smothered by a worn carpet that had accumulated a combination of dust and dirt over many years. The walls received a fresh coat of paint as well as the wooden cabinets which now adorn new hardware, and soon it will be the kitchen and bathrooms turn to get a much needed make-over.
My childhood home is a preservation of memories. Friends enter our home through the back door, and step foot into our kitchen where many a home cooked meal has been made, and many a tea bag has been brewed. My favorite memories of our kitchen are making home made play dough, and Thanksgiving day spreads. The counter tops have proved a great place to start a conversation. Adjacent to the kitchen is the family room where my older brother and I wrestled, and played "Steam Roller." Mama has this special tradition of putting up birthday banners for both my brother and me, and placing our cards on the hearth for the day. We could always find our colorfully and carefully wrapped presents with bright shiny bows placed on our designated side of the fireplace. Around the corner from the family room is a formal living area. For awhile, this is where the big screen T.V. resided. It proved to be great entertainment for my friends. Down the hall from the living area are the bedrooms. Ben and I shared a bedroom when we were younger. I can still picture the matching green bedspreads over our matching twin beds. Holidays are always a fun time to decorate my house. I have had more than one friend to comment on my Mama's extensive collection of snowmen that can be found stationed all around our house during the winter months. Our driveway has been a pathway for coming to and going out of our home. There have been a few people who have just passed through, and there have been others who stayed for awhile.
When the house was built over thirty years ago, its intent was to merely be a structure: brick, mortar, four walls, and a roof. A family makes a house a home. Over the years, this house became much more than merely a structure it became our home. A family gives a house purpose. Within these walls, we have built a history that will not diminish though the memories might fade. Within my home, is the place where I was nurtured and laid down roots for a strong foundation of love that I will carry with me no matter where I take up residency.
Time and time again, I can revisit this place that stores my childhood memories whether it be in body or merely in spirit. When it is time to purchase a house of my own for my family, I will not be looking for just a steady structure, but a house that has the potential to be a home filled with purpose.
Over the years my house has had a little tinkering here and there, but it has never had this magnitude of a make-over. The concrete floors got to breathe a little after being smothered by a worn carpet that had accumulated a combination of dust and dirt over many years. The walls received a fresh coat of paint as well as the wooden cabinets which now adorn new hardware, and soon it will be the kitchen and bathrooms turn to get a much needed make-over.
My childhood home is a preservation of memories. Friends enter our home through the back door, and step foot into our kitchen where many a home cooked meal has been made, and many a tea bag has been brewed. My favorite memories of our kitchen are making home made play dough, and Thanksgiving day spreads. The counter tops have proved a great place to start a conversation. Adjacent to the kitchen is the family room where my older brother and I wrestled, and played "Steam Roller." Mama has this special tradition of putting up birthday banners for both my brother and me, and placing our cards on the hearth for the day. We could always find our colorfully and carefully wrapped presents with bright shiny bows placed on our designated side of the fireplace. Around the corner from the family room is a formal living area. For awhile, this is where the big screen T.V. resided. It proved to be great entertainment for my friends. Down the hall from the living area are the bedrooms. Ben and I shared a bedroom when we were younger. I can still picture the matching green bedspreads over our matching twin beds. Holidays are always a fun time to decorate my house. I have had more than one friend to comment on my Mama's extensive collection of snowmen that can be found stationed all around our house during the winter months. Our driveway has been a pathway for coming to and going out of our home. There have been a few people who have just passed through, and there have been others who stayed for awhile.
When the house was built over thirty years ago, its intent was to merely be a structure: brick, mortar, four walls, and a roof. A family makes a house a home. Over the years, this house became much more than merely a structure it became our home. A family gives a house purpose. Within these walls, we have built a history that will not diminish though the memories might fade. Within my home, is the place where I was nurtured and laid down roots for a strong foundation of love that I will carry with me no matter where I take up residency.
Time and time again, I can revisit this place that stores my childhood memories whether it be in body or merely in spirit. When it is time to purchase a house of my own for my family, I will not be looking for just a steady structure, but a house that has the potential to be a home filled with purpose.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
REMEMBRANCE ROADS
Do you ever feel like just taking a drive? Clearing your head? Listening to music? Yesterday, I ventured out intending to run a few errands. There were some things that I needed to pick up including some CDs that I have had my eye on for awhile. Recently, I have started listening to Dashboard Confessional and Secondhand Serenade. As a loyal fan to the CW One Tree Hill, I decided to pick up a copy of "The Road Mix." Sometimes, a collection of songs is just what you need to put you in the right kind of mood, and obtain some much needed perspective.
As I was on my way to pick up the CDs, a thought crept up on me. I thought about the day that I had gotten out of school, my boyfriend and I had just split up, but I felt this overwhelming need to go and see him that day. It was if my car had a mind of its own, making turns effortlessly as if it had memorized the path. I wanted to tell him that life was too short to hold grudges. That night my ex-boyfriend who I was still very emotionally attached to got into a nearly fatal car accident. So yesterday I found myself steering my car down that familiar path, a path that I have not traveled in quite some time. I just decided to take the scenic route home. I even went by my old high school. Letting myself remember, I let the images of days gone by fill my senses like the gentle springtime breeze blowing outside welcoming the familiarity of every memory that filled my mind.
I found it ironic that the song playing off The Road Mix CD was called "Heartbeats". Taking those familiar paths, I felt my heart begin to beat faster and faster as every mile I traveled I came closer to bridging the gap between who I was and who I am now. Leaving South East Acres, where the boy who had had me at hello had lived, I decided to go on to the next boy's house who happened to be Will's best friend. It is not as racy as it sounds. Unable to find his residence, I drove on towards yet another boy's house. Unconsciously, I had created a pattern of boys that had taught me one thing or another about myself. As time has passed, I have not stayed in touch with any of these boys who are now men. As I went from stop to stop, I wondered about them, and their families. I wondered what they were doing with themselves, and if they were happy.
A sadness came over me when I woke up from my sweet euphoria. It is all in the past. These lives that I was remembering are no longer the lives that any of us lead. I suppose that is the down side of living in the same place all of your life, your past seems to follow you around, and even beckons you from time to time. My venture had all started with not such a warm and fuzzy memory, and became a journey through my mind. It is a tricky thing because I found myself longing for those innocent days where I led a fairly carefree existence. Our history can never be erased. I will never need a road map to my past. Although it is a blessing to have roots, at times I feel like I am standing still unable to look straight ahead always looking back in the rear view mirror desperately wanting to switch gears and put my car in reverse. However, the highway of life was not constructed that way.
I am very envious of the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional, Chris Carrabba, who with "a flip of his wrist" waved his hometown good-bye in his song "So Long So Long". I can understand why John Mayer asked "Why Georgia? Why?" He said in the lyrics to that song, "I want to put the car in drive, and leave this all behind". Sometimes, that is how I feel about where I grew up. It is funny. The song "So Long So Long" by Dashboard Confessional has made an impression on me, and in a sense I am sharing my own dashboard confessional. Sometimes, I wonder about going to a new place, and starting over, but I cannot escape myself or my memories. Although, the boys who lived in those houses have grown into men and no longer call those houses their "home", they will aways have permanent residency in my heart. From time to time, no matter how hard I try or whether I get in my car and take a drive or just take a simple journey through my own mind, I will travel down those remembrance roads.
As I was on my way to pick up the CDs, a thought crept up on me. I thought about the day that I had gotten out of school, my boyfriend and I had just split up, but I felt this overwhelming need to go and see him that day. It was if my car had a mind of its own, making turns effortlessly as if it had memorized the path. I wanted to tell him that life was too short to hold grudges. That night my ex-boyfriend who I was still very emotionally attached to got into a nearly fatal car accident. So yesterday I found myself steering my car down that familiar path, a path that I have not traveled in quite some time. I just decided to take the scenic route home. I even went by my old high school. Letting myself remember, I let the images of days gone by fill my senses like the gentle springtime breeze blowing outside welcoming the familiarity of every memory that filled my mind.
I found it ironic that the song playing off The Road Mix CD was called "Heartbeats". Taking those familiar paths, I felt my heart begin to beat faster and faster as every mile I traveled I came closer to bridging the gap between who I was and who I am now. Leaving South East Acres, where the boy who had had me at hello had lived, I decided to go on to the next boy's house who happened to be Will's best friend. It is not as racy as it sounds. Unable to find his residence, I drove on towards yet another boy's house. Unconsciously, I had created a pattern of boys that had taught me one thing or another about myself. As time has passed, I have not stayed in touch with any of these boys who are now men. As I went from stop to stop, I wondered about them, and their families. I wondered what they were doing with themselves, and if they were happy.
A sadness came over me when I woke up from my sweet euphoria. It is all in the past. These lives that I was remembering are no longer the lives that any of us lead. I suppose that is the down side of living in the same place all of your life, your past seems to follow you around, and even beckons you from time to time. My venture had all started with not such a warm and fuzzy memory, and became a journey through my mind. It is a tricky thing because I found myself longing for those innocent days where I led a fairly carefree existence. Our history can never be erased. I will never need a road map to my past. Although it is a blessing to have roots, at times I feel like I am standing still unable to look straight ahead always looking back in the rear view mirror desperately wanting to switch gears and put my car in reverse. However, the highway of life was not constructed that way.
I am very envious of the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional, Chris Carrabba, who with "a flip of his wrist" waved his hometown good-bye in his song "So Long So Long". I can understand why John Mayer asked "Why Georgia? Why?" He said in the lyrics to that song, "I want to put the car in drive, and leave this all behind". Sometimes, that is how I feel about where I grew up. It is funny. The song "So Long So Long" by Dashboard Confessional has made an impression on me, and in a sense I am sharing my own dashboard confessional. Sometimes, I wonder about going to a new place, and starting over, but I cannot escape myself or my memories. Although, the boys who lived in those houses have grown into men and no longer call those houses their "home", they will aways have permanent residency in my heart. From time to time, no matter how hard I try or whether I get in my car and take a drive or just take a simple journey through my own mind, I will travel down those remembrance roads.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
LOVE LETTER
What do you think about when you hear the word love? Do you think about someone in particular? Do you think about your loved ones? Family? Friends? Is love merely a four letter word or can it really be defined at all? Does it become devalued on the commercialized holiday ahem...Valentine's Day? Can a person say "I love you" to someone he or she cares about so much that it loses its meaning?
I witnessed something quite special over the holidays. My Mom and I were running some errands, and she decided to go see one of her brothers. His grandson had just recovered from pneumonia. His immune system has been compromised by ALD (Adrenoleukodystrophy) which means that this particular disease eats away at the myelin in the brain. John Mark, my cousin has been saving his money to get a myelin transplant. Uncle Bob, my Mom's brother and Aunt Loretta, his wife lost a son several years ago to this very disease. Despite all of their heartache and grief, I witnessed something magical between them that is LOVE.
Just in the few minutes that I was around them, it was evident to me how much they love each other. I could tell by the way that they would look at each other that no matter what they had been through in the many years they have been married the spark was still there. It is so pure and so true. It is as if they have a special language of communicating with each other (heart to heart). It is like they have a sacred secret between them. The reason there marriage has sustained what life has thrown at them is because the foundation for their marriage is rooted in God. He sustained them, their marriage, and their love. Their love had not diminished in the face of uncertainty and calamity. It remained strong, and it is what saw them through the difficult times together. Perhaps Shakespeare came close to really zeroing in on what love means when he wrote the poem "Let Me Not to the Marriage of True Minds".
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
There are many different kinds of love. There is the love between two spouses like my aunt and uncle, and there is the love between a parent and child. The more I mature, the more I realize how much my parents love me. They brought me up to appreciate my family. They brought me up with the knowledge of my Creator. And as much as my parents love me, it is just a sample of how far, wide, and deep the Creator of the Universe and my being loves me. Wow! He loved me so much that he breathed air into my nostrils. I am His precious creation. We all are. Genesis 2:7 says "The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." His love is the best love. It never alters and it never changes. It is called Agape love, and only God can love us with Agape love. 1 John 4:16 says "God is Love."
When I think of love in its truest form, I think of 1 Corinthians 13 affectionately called "The Love Chapter" or as I like to think of it God's love letter to us. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking , it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13 :13 says "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
God longs to captivate us. Here are some verses that I believe speak right to the hearts of women:
Psalm 37: 4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 45:11 "The king is enthralled by your beauty."
Isaiah 61:1 "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted."
Song of Songs 4:7 "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
God's scriptures are full of his love for all of us! 2 Timothy 3:16 says "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness."As much as I love poetry and music, (waxing poetic and singing pretty melodies about love) they cannot even come close to God's Word, his love letter to each and every one of us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- TB Fly
- I am a work in progress. I enjoy sharing an extension of myself through writing.