Taking some time to re-evaluate my life's direction, I have met some pretty interesting walks of life along the way. Some of the people that I work with have enriched my life in different ways. There seems to be a handful of different "desk girls" making their debuts at different times. I have now been at my place of employment for a little over a year; however, it has been a very off-the-beaten path kind of year.
Sometimes I feel as though my life is in reverse instead of moving forward because I work with younger girls. These girls that I work with are either attending beauty school or a university. In fact, two of the girls attend the same university that I attended. It has been invaluable to reflect on that time in my life when everything and every experience was a new adventure and it was thrilling to venture into the unknown. I cannot remember a time since, that I have been as truly excited about my life as when I was a college student. I truly enjoyed it. I thrived on it. I thrive on working towards a goal.
Right now those things in my life that I am missing cannot be achieved. They only can be graciously accepted at the opportune time as a result of a little patience. Honestly, I feel as though my life is at a stand still because as much as I would like to go over some scenes in my life, I know that a rewrite is impossible. So I look at these girls with envy who are experiencing all the things that I miss about being younger. I am envious of these girls who have yet to figure it out. I am envious of these girls whose biggest problem is who to take to a sorority formal or studying for that big test. I truly miss it because I am reminded of how much time has passed me by since those sweet collegiate days. I miss those carefree days. I miss the freedom that comes with being a carefree college student. On One Tree Hill, Lucas once had a monologue that reads like this, "Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens, and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever." I have had a few of those moments. I have had such moments of greatness where everything was right in the world. One of those moments was finally graduating from college.
I remember my college graduation day with fondness. My friend Jeb attended. He joined my family for lunch, and gave me a picture frame in which we were supposed to take a picture together for the frame. He also took me to a movie the night of my graduation. He was a friend. He is the best friend of my ex-boyfriend, hence dinners and movies and phone calls and such were as far as that relationship could go. College gave my best friend Heather and I an opportunity to take a class or two together. I lived off campus and she lived in the dorm; however, I think she spent the night with me every other night because she could not stand her roommates at least not her freshman year. I stayed with her some at the dorm as well, especially on "Chapel day". It was nice to just wake up and walk out the door and be on campus without having to drive my car.
I had a professor whose enthusiasm oozed out of him. He encouraged me and believed that I had what it takes to succeed. I will forever be grateful to him for his encouragement and faith in my abilities not only as a college student, but also as a productive citizen in society. His teaching went beyond the classroom into the real world preparing us for an uncertain future.
On a personal note, I even attended a dance called the "Cardinal Ball" with my ex-boyfriend. I had been looking forward to going to that dance. I could not believe the steal that I found at one of our local dress shops. My look blew my ex-boyfriend away who broke up with me three days before the much awaited dance. Drama! Drama! Drama!
In spite of all of those wonderful and not so wonderful things, I do not regret a single one of them. I might not have followed the script to the letter. I am sure there was some ad-libbing along the way. Even now I know wherein my futures lies. It lies within the Author's hands. The script has already been written. I have read many lines over the course of a four year education and at that an education in more ways than one. Every now and then I get nostalgic for those days just like I do for my childhood. They are apart of me. Joyce Carol Oates once wrote, "When we claim to "remember" our pasts, we are surely remembering our favorite snapshots, in which the long-faded past is given a distinct visual immortality."
After college, we trade in the hallways for the highways. Sometimes we lose our way because we have ventured into unknown territory or simply because we are too stubborn to stop and ask for directions or look at the road map. Sometimes we are going down a highway and have to change our course to avoid an accident or an obstacle or some sort. Sometimes we come to a fork in the road and are uncertain of which way to go. No matter what obstacle lies ahead, we have to just put our cars in drive, get on that winding highway with all its bumps and twists, move along, and keep driving. We might as well enjoy the beautiful scenery along the way. Learn from the bumps in our roads. Thank goodness for rest stops to reflect and re-evaluate the miles that we have already traveled and determine what path to take next. If we are wise, we will leave that to the ultimate Navigator.
I received a well rounded education. At times, it is sad for me to realize that I hold a degree that I no longer want to put to use. There are so many scripts out there. I just have to find the best one for me. The girls in whom I work with must find the right script for them as well. Just like these college students, we all anticipate a bright and friendly future. We all get a little impatient; however, as time goes on we find ourselves more and more looking back at previous chapters, re-reading a paragraph over and over, searching for some hidden meaning, and trying to find our purpose and a purpose for the co-stars in our lives. I can only hope that when these younger girls finish college they will still anticipate a bright and happy future and will look forward to their own "tomorrow lands". Although I may miss those days of burning the candle at both ends, I would not take back the wisdom and the lessons learned from my previous experiences. Like all grown ups I realize that the learning process is just that a long process in which the end results are products that we can utilize for a lifetime. However, the learning process never ends. My entrance into the "real world" still has not extinguished my flame of hope or my intrigue for "tomorrow land".
